Med

full interview

Hey, hi, [inaudible], welcome to our Witness Change 1,000 Dream project, and we’re so excited to have you. How are you today?
Hi, I’m not bad today.

Okay, good. I’m gonna ask you some question and some gonna be about where you live and your past and then your hopes and what you been through. So what kind of housing do you live in?
I’m staying in a hostel. It’s belongs to a council.

Could you please explain a bit the conditions and describe the condition of
Um, actually it’s not bad place but I don’t want to stay there, like

Why?
Because they don’t give me any chance to live somewhere I love, I like, because they told me like, nobody haves chance to live somewhere like there. And then they told me, like, you have to stay there, like

How long have you been living there?
Um, almost eight or nine months. Months, yeah.

Who do you live with?
Live alone. It’s a room, just a small room.

So there aren’t other people in the hostel?
Oh yeah, a lot.

So are they all refugees? 
Actually, they look like they don’t they doesn’t look like, um, refugee. They look like junkie, Scottish people. I’m sorry but they are like that, you know?

How do you spend your time here? Do you work?
In Edinburgh? Or in hostel?

Yes, yes, yes, in Edinburgh or hostel.
Okay. I’m not working right now. I have an English classes. I want to improve my English. My classes all my all classes in on online and sometimes I’m going to for walk outside because I don’t want to stay in my room. It is not really good, condition’s a bit bad.

What are some of the things that bring you joy?
Oh. I love to watch, um, anime. Like a cart someone called cartoon. Cartoon?

Cartoons, yeah.
Cartoons [inaudible]. And, some like I try to draw. I love like I want to improve my draw and also it’s make me happy when I sad and going outside like for a walk, talking on my on talking with my family, visit my auntie. This make me happy when I see my auntie, I’m happy.

Good. How has life been since you arrived in Europe? What’s been good about being here? What’s been difficult?
Here what’s good and bad here? Good, actually, I never think like that but when you’re refugee here, when you sometimes you feel alone, like you’re not belong to here. You feel, I don’t like okay.

Mhm. What’s been good about being here? What’s been difficult?
It’s difficult one, like, when you don’t doesn’t know the language, you want to when you start beginning, like, you need to effort so much, you know? And then that make you so tired. You getting bored sometimes. And then also, like, [inaudible] because you want to like, for me, I don’t want to because I want to be I want to, like, having really good, like, English and also I don’t want to stop. I don’t want to [microphone interference].

Can you describe how living here has made you feel?
It’s make me feel not it make me feel, like, safe and then also it makes me feel good because you don’t see anything bad. You don’t see anything make you feel bad. And also, um [coughing], it is actually good but the point you starting everything beginning, at the beginning, and it is a bit hard but if you think, like, you need to stand in it to move and then it’s not, like, hard. And, like, that’s make you yourself motivation and, um, what?

Okay. How does being away from the rest of your family make you feel?
It’s make me feel so broken, like, one of my part, I don’t have, like you feel like I don’t have one of my part. It is just back home, I’m missing them, I want to see them, but I can’t and I miss my siblings. My mom, my father’s, my grandmother, I love my grandmother, I really, really miss her because she always telling me stories, like, I really miss her.

How does the feeling of not belonging, or discrimination, or stigma impact you? Can you describe?
Pardon?

Belonging [speaking another language].
Okay [pause]. Um, actually, I’m never grow up, like [pause].

Discrimination.
I never okay, I never grow up with discrim discrip

Discrimination.
Feel like discrimination, because my mom, my fathers, my parents. We don’t do that because, like, we don’t say, Oh, that’s Turkish, Turkish person, we don’t want to talk with them. But when you see a person, Turkish person, come to talk to you just not all of them, but some people like that, and when you see that, like, we don’t do that, we never do that, why they doing that to us, you know? That’s a bit so different between us.

Could you ever have imagined that you would have been able to handle this situation? How have you been able to overcome, or survive, or live with all this thing?
Actually, I don’t want to live with these things and then that’s a bit

What do you do for that then, how do you overcome all these things?
I’m not doing that to any anybody, like

No, no, no, you didn’t understand. [Speaking another language]
Okay. It’s that make me feel so bad because I was start high school, no, nurseries? I had I has I had a teacher, he was so bad because I never I can’t speak Turkish, one word, you know? Like, I never I don’t know how to say hi in Turkish and then he was, like because of that he was always teasing me and then it was so hard to me, like, I always feel so bad, Why he doing that to me? Just — I can’t talk Turkish. Just — and then it was so bad. I don’t know how I can explain, you know? And then —

Okay. How did you overcome all these things? [Speaking another language]
I dunno. [Speaking another language]. Like, I stopped to talk too much because I was so active person, and then I just stopped to don’t do anything much, like, I was talking too much, doing a lot of things, and then that’s made me feel so broken. And then I said, like, I don’t know [pause]. Yeah.

So do you think that you developed the ability to deal with these challenges, or do think you always had those skills?
Actually, when something happened, something bad happened, I just — I don’t want to speak. I just want to be alone.

You can say, um, I became introvert.
I became introvert and then I tried to don’t talk, don’t remember that, like, I just want to know like this thing’s not happened, you know? That’s a bit bad, but when you remember when you talking just make you feel so bad.

Okay, let’s talk about what COVID-19 brought for you. How has COVID-19 affected you in terms of daily life and your mood or emotions?
Um, is mixed. Make it worse, everything, you know? Because you have to stay at home. You don’t need, like — I can’t go outside for a long time and then you have — I have to stay — spend my time at home, like, I tried to read something, like, doing some exercise, but when you stay alone, just you thinking, when you don’t find someone to talk, like, it make you so feel bad. And also I was staying, like, I still staying in a hostel. I was staying in a hostel as well. It was so bad situation, it was so bad. Yeah, I was crying every day.

That’s so sad. Okay, let’s talk a bit about your past. What did you — why did you leave your country? Can you describe what happened?
No, I can describe a bit. Um, I had the bad days, like [phone vibrating] — I had a bad day and also I had bomb attacks, like, I almost died but — I was working, I don’t know how I can explain … I was in high school, my last year in high school, and then — I don’t want to talk anyway. It’s too — wait.

Okay.
And also, um, we had, in my country, we had some [speaking another language].

Conflict.
It was conflict in my city and around my city, like, some few cities and the government killed a lot of people, Kurdish people, like in the street, like, I don’t know. It was so bad situation. They just leave their homes, they run away, like, we so scared that time, just — you know? Just you going — when you going outside you just say, Oh, something happened today, I’m not die. Something happening to me, like, because there was a so bad situation, just, you know? Some — I don’t know, the government just — when you walk in the road to just — they can kill you, like, just, I don’t know.

Yeah, you actually said [Inaudible] how did that make you feel at that time?
Like, I was scared because when you’re talking to your friend, like, if you saw some police, if they heard something like, I don’t know, something bad, they come to, like, say, You say something to me? They just can take you to police station like that, you know? And then it is so bad. And then you always scared, like, I don’t know. It was make you feel so danger and then your family — [sigh] it’s bad situation, it was —

Yeah previously, you said that you don’t want to talk about your journey to, um, Europe, right?
Yeah.

Okay. So what do you think — what did — how — what do you feel when you think about all this thing happened in your back country?
I was thinking like that we don’t deserve that because we don’t do anything bad. We just living there. We just want to — our country because they’re our, like, they’re Kurdistan, you know? There’s not Turkey. And … just we want that.

Does the situation you faced affect you today?
Actually, yes.

How?
Like … after bomb attack, I just — when I heard — hear something was loud, I scared. That’s all that.

And you said you became introvert? [Speaking another language]
Yeah.

Introvert.
Introvert. And also um, like, you know, seeing [inaudible] now, like I can’t talk, you know? I just — in Turkey, like, if you talk about anything, you just, you know, you die. Or you’re in prison and then you can’t do, like, even you can’t say I’m Kurdish, you know? That’s make feel, I don’t know, [inaudible]. Yeah.

Could you ever imagine that you would have been able to handle that situation?
No.

How were you able to survive all these things? Have you created any kind of strategy, or coping any mechanism? To get through the hard times, memories, or — okay, I’m going to explain you another one which just … Okay, just checked. So, like, how were you able to survive? Did you [speaking another language]?
Actually, I feel like I’m not so strong person because if something happen I just…

What make you strong? Is there anything that make you strong?
Actually, my family, I think. Like, I feel them there with me. I have them just I feel like if they don’t, I don’t have them, I just I’m nothing, you know?

Before the event led you to flee your home at [inaudible], what was your dream? When you say that my dream, can you say that my dream was.
Oh. Sorry, [inaudible], can I —

“My dream was…”
Okay. My dream was going to university, finish my study, and after that doing my master’s, my doctor, and then start to work in a university and then move to Mardin, it is a beautiful city, and then going to, um, Kurdistan, like in Iraq, to see there. Going to Newroz, and then going to, like, Kurdistan and then it’s not and then travel the world. It was my dream.

Oh, good. When you were leaving your home, what was your dream for the future? And you can say that I dreamed that.
In future? Back home or now?

When you were leaving [speaking another language] … I dreamed that. [Pause] I dreamed…
I dreamed that, um. I dreamed that came to here, it was. I dreamed that came to here having really, um, good life because you live like a danger, in a danger. Here just you live like not danger, nothing happening. Just a relief, quite a lot. Life is so quiet, like, nothing happen, no racism, you know? Like, I came to here — actually, it was — um, I don’t know. My brain is so confused…

Okay don’t worry. Don’t worry, you already said something. Before leaving your home country, what would you describe as your strength? You maintain this for, if so, how? If not, why? [Speaking another language]
Okay. Why I leave my country?

My strength was…
My strength?

Strength.
Why I leave my rent?

No, no, no [laughing].
[Speaking another language] strength [speaking another language]…

Strength [speaking another language].
Oh okay. Yeah, I said that before my family, my strength is my family, because my auntie was here. She still with me and if I don’t have her, I can’t stand, you know? And then she helped me a lot, my psychologic, my psychological, and also when I feel bad she always with me. She helped me a lot. And my family and like my family and then I leave — I left my family back home, but also have family here.

Okay. What have you been through since really difficult? Do you feel like you have grown in any ways as a result of this experience? Or has anything at all positive came out? [Speaking another language]
Yes I learned a lot because I never live alone, I always live with my family and I live alone, like — and also when I — I became, I think I became — I understood that now because I feel like — I think I’m a strong person because I left my family, I miss them but I still — I’m still standing, you know? I don’t know. And I tried to do everything myself but I just — sometimes I feel like fail. Yeah. I don’t know, like, this is, like, a bit strange because my English is really not good and then I try to explain but, I hopefully you understand me.

Yeah, thank you. What are your hopes and dreams for the future? And you can say, “My dream is…” For future.
For future? My dream is … it is the same to was my country. I want to finish my —

Say, “My dream is…”
My dream is being a — become an architecture? Finish my university, my lecture, doing my work, start my work, and then I want to do master’s, doctor, and then start to work in a university, become a teacher and I want to draw, learn a drawing. I really want to be good at it and travel the world. I want to go to, um, Norway. I want to see, um, what’s it called? No. Okay.

We really appreciate you answering all these questions. Is there anything you would like to add that might help people in Europe better understand the life of refugees here? Do you have any message to European people to understand refugees?
Actually, they try to understand — I want to they understood that when you’re refugees somewhere you don’t know. You feel so bad. You feel fail, like, you feel your psychology, your psychological, yeah, so bad. And then you say, How can I stand? What can I do? There is no way to stand enough. And then you try to find the way, they always telling you, Oh, no, you can’t because you came to this country. You don’t have English, you don’t have, um, you don’t have work, and then you don’t have place to stay, you know? And then you — they put in — they put you in a place. It is so bad. You say nobody can’t stay here but you try to live there. When you talk to someone to explain that they said, Oh, you know, nobody can — nobody have chance to live there, you’re lucky. You don’t have to say that, that’s make me to — make me feel bad, you know? And then just not only me, like, people like me. They don’t know which situation do you live, which field do you live. And then they said, Nobody have chance to live anywhere like that, any place like there. And … like, I don’t know, something like that. They never understood, I think, because —

What they should do for understanding you?
Empathy. But no, no chance for that ’cause they never understood, you know?

Okay. Thank you for taking part in our project.
Thank you.