Evanna Vasquez

full interview

I’m Ivana Vázquez and I’m going to interview Gaviota. Er, hello, Gaviota. Er… Well, I would like to know: in which kind of housing do you live now, er, here, in the United States? 
Er. Hello. Good afternoon. Well, I’m living in some friends’ house where they offered me hospitality. I’m here, but I’m staying in their house.

And who do you live with here? 
I live with some colleagues who offered me hospitality. They are some from Ecuador; others, from… Venezuela? They are four guys from Venezuela.

How do you spend your time, er, here… how do you spend your time here in… in… in the place where you are now? And are you currently working? 
Er, not really. Here, I help the guys, cook for them, clean the house, everything and they provide me with food. And that’s how I live day-to-day, with a plate of food. 

What are the things that bring… that bring you joy and make you happy?
Well, when I call my family, at that moment, they give me joy, but when I end the call, well, sadly, I return to my story that… that… fills me with sadness, with sorrow.

What has your life been like after leaving your country to come to the United States?
Well, the truth is, here, since my colleagues have given me a hand, a roof, food… Well, I don’t see it that bad. I looked for a job, but since I still don’t have the permit, they haven’t assigned me any. Anywhere they ask for my permit, they ask for the… the… er… so many things, and I don’t have those papers yet.

What has been the good thing about being here and what has been the most difficult?
Well, the good thing is that it’s very different from my country, I can walk peacefully on the streets, there is not as much crime as in my country, there is not as much discrimination as in my country where they attacked me wherever I went. And the bad part is… that I’m still looking for a job and… I’m far from my family; but I have to stay strong anyway as I cannot go back to my country because of discrimination. I’m afraid my life will be threatened again like it was in the past.

Can you describe how you feel living here? 
Well, the truth is, I live, I mean… fine, happy, sharing with… with the guys I’ve met here, I’ve made friends and I can say that every day is a good day for me.

How do you feel being away from your family, your home?
Oh, no, the truth is, living here in this country, I mean, living away from my family is a little hard because I’m far from them. It’s not like when I was there that I woke up and saw them every day, everything. Here, I contact them only by phone, by… by a video call, which is not the same as being there with them.

How has the feeling of not belonging or suffering… discrimination, stigma, especially by the community? Here?

Have you being discriminated against? 
Ye… Well, when I went to a place where… they told me that a job would come out, I went and, I did receive discrimination from the person that… that owns that place.

Can you describe it?
Er… Verbal. He… he yelled at me, he found out that I’m transsexual and he didn’t like it. He didn’t like me. He mistreated me. I worked three days, but I resigned because of the way he verbally assaulted me. So what I did was leave, because what I thought was “I can’t believe that there are people who…” The things I experienced in Ecuador, I don’t want to experience here. I’m afraid of that, so I resigned and came here.

Have you ever imagined that you could go through this situation again or have you experienced this same situation again in your country? 
In my country, yes, always. In my country, I was attacked by a gang. I reported them to the police and that same police in my country were accomplices of them. They came back and destroyed the store I had, they attacked me, they threatened me with death. So I was forced to leave my country to come here. 

How are you overcoming what has happened to you? 
Well, honestly, since I haven’t had help from anyone here… Well, I’ve always wanted to look for help because when I find myself alone, I always cry. Because sometimes I feel that I am overcome by nostalgia, sadness and… This is how I spend my day-to-day life when I find myself alone. 

What are your dreams for the future years? How do you see yourself in a few years? 
Well, the truth is I came to this country to work, to find… to fight for my asylum, and if possible to obtain my papers, to be able to travel to Ecuador to visit my family, to have something of my own and… to stay in my country, but with some business of my own so I could get ahead on my own.

Thank you, Gaviota, that’s the end of the interview. I truly appreciate it and… we finished. 
Gaviota, do you think you have been able to overcome the challenges with the same skills or resilience you had in your country?

Yes, here. 
Er… How can I explain it? Here, I do feel freer when I walk, when I go out because it’s not like in my country where I used to go out for a walk and I was being robbed, assaulted… verbally, by the police, everything. And here, yes, I can walk. I don’t… I don’t feel as much danger as in my country.

How… How do you think you are perceived… How do you think this country perceives refugees? Based on your answer, then, can you tell us how you feel as a refugee here?
Well, the truth is, I feel safe here with my colleagues who have provided me with a roof, have given me a… a plate of food. Well, since they are from my own country, well, they have given me a hand and, thanks to them, I feel good. In this country, I feel safe because it’s not like in my country, as I’ve explained to you, where there is discrimination, danger, theft… And you report it and the Justice is against… against us, transsexual people, in my country.

How was your trip here? Which…? Could you share with us any particular experience? 
Of course. Well, from the day I left my country, I left it… as it is said, by land. I went across so many countries to get here. I slept on the streets, I slept where the night caught me. I had to go through jungles, rivers, so many things… I traveled with so many people that, even on the way, some of them wanted to make a pass at me. They attacked me along the way. But I wanted to leave my country. I was forced to leave it because of the… of the aggression I’ve suffered because of my personality. So I went through so many things on my journey to get here, and now, here I am. 

How did that moment, that journey, make you feel?
Well, honestly, I cried all the way because I thought that… that everything would be… My life would be like this, I would get beaten, and suffer verbal discrimination, because in my country I was attacked, and stabbed. I have scars on my body because so many people attacked me. And I thought I couldn’t continue to live this way. I even tried to kill myself for the same reason. But when I arrived here, in the United States, there were people who, as I told you, mistreated me, but others treated me very well, and they made me understand that everything is not as in my country, it’s very different. 

Do you often think about these events that you went through on your journey? Er… Is there any in particular that you remember frequently, isn’t there?
Yes… I do remember. Always, when I’m alone, in my room, I start to recall and, the truth is, well, I… I feel relief crying. Although it’s bad, I know it’s bad because I get deep into the… I am afraid of falling into depression because, sometimes, there are days that I cry day and night.

Does the situation you faced affect you precisely today or… or in which other way did what you went through in your trip affect you? 
The truth is, what affects me more, and more is that I am far from… from my family, but as I told you, I was forced, forced to leave my country. As much as I didn’t want to, I wouldn’t have done it, but I was forced to because I was afraid for my life.

How could you survive, overcome… overcome this? Have you… Have you created a strategy, a mechanism, to overcome difficult moments, and the… the painful memories? Where do you find strength and support? 
Where do I find strength?

I mean, where do you find…? Now that you’re here, in the United States, where do you find support, strength…? Maybe, in some organization, er, with friends… If you’ve met someone… 
I have met mates, transexual friends. I told them my story… They even gave me a hand. They helped me, they gave me their friendship. And, every day, I’m trying to get ahead because, as I told you, being in this country alone is not easy for me. 

Before you left or fled your country, what were your dreams? 
Er, my dreams have always been to fight for what I wanted, which is to have my own home, have a business and see… Because I have a nephew in Ecuador, and I love him so much. He’s my life. So, that was the reason why I… I was forced to go away because I want to keep living for him.

When you were leaving your home, what was your dream for the future?
Oh, well, how can I explain it? All I ever wanted was to have something for my life, something of my own. 

Closing questions: before leaving your home country, what were your strengths? Have… Have you kept them? Have you kept the same strengths with which you left your country? 
And… I didn’t… I mean, I haven’t kept them because I don’t have my parents in my country. They are separated. The person who raised me passed away. My life is a… a novel, you see…

Do you feel you’ve grown positively thanks to everything that, er, you’ve…? In your journey, have you grown emotionally? Do you feel better, satisfactorily? How do you feel today?
Yes… yes, I feel a little better. I feel I’ve grown up. What… what… what makes me happy, you know, is when my nephew tells me that he is in perfect conditions of health and everything… And I’m in good health here in this country. I haven’t been sick, thank God, and I wouldn’t want to. 

Is there anything you would like to say that could help people better understand their experience… your experience of what you’ve been through, especially about refugees?
Of course, just that… Wherever we are, never let… let ourselves fall. Let’s try to get ahead… Everything depends on oneself. Fight. Even if the world says no, you have to say “yes, I can and I will do it.”

With this, we finished the interview with Gaviota.