Yaroslav

full interview

Please tell me where you live now and with whom.
Now I live in the United States of America, in New York, in Brooklyn, with my family, wife and children.
Tell me, how do you spend your time here? Do you work?
Most of my time I spend studying English, work, and family time.
Tell me, what brings you joy? What makes you happy now?
The main thing that makes me happy now is the feeling that my family is safe.
How was your life after you came here?
This is quite a difficult question, because the new country has new challenges and, accordingly, a different responsibility, different laws. And, actually, I think that’s what awaits every person who comes from another country to the United States. It is necessary to get used to customs, traditions, language, because New York (Brooklyn) is multinational and here you need to get used to hearing correctly, to understand correctly. That is, the challenges here are linguistic, and work processes, and documentation, and legal—that is, multifaceted challenges. And, of course, it is a kind of finding in a new country a balance between who you were in your homeland and who you can be now in this country, in order to provide for your family financially and, accordingly, to work for what you like, and not for something that is imposed on you or you come to do for the sake of money.
Can you say that you are used to this country, to the place where you live?
Absolutely. It’s adaptation. And somehow it happened to me extremely quickly. That is, at the moment I can say that I probably did not have a very tough adaptation process, compared to what happened in Ukraine, and the fact that I am here at the moment. The only feeling is that you are safe and that is the most important thing. And so I can’t say that it was extremely hard to get used to [this country]. Well, let’s face it, I certainly wondered about all the things out there and about processes, finance, and some legal matters, and society (how people behave there), and so on. But to say that I had some difficult turning point, that I came to be here in some semi-depressed state from what I experienced in a new country—I absolutely did not have that happen to me.
Thank you. Tell me about what good things happened while you were here.
Well, I think from the moment I got off the plane and everything that’s been going on until now, it’s all been very good. Maybe I don’t realize … Perhaps even among some complex things, I do not realize that it is good, but it still has an impact on me. I believe that any process that happens to a person is the formation of human experience.
For example, you can say some good things that are most important to you right now.
Of course, the first thing is meeting with my wife and children after almost a year and a half of separation. This is the most important thing, and it makes me happy every day. Children, wife, family is something that makes me very happy every day, regardless of what is going on at the moment. And the second is that, fortunately, just two weeks after arriving in the United States, I found people and support from such people, from whom I probably would have expected it the least. That is, these are people who reached out and saw in me my talents, what I was doing in Ukraine, and realized that they are absolutely in demand here and that they can be developed. In principle, there is still … You know that once upon a time we all grew up on American movies in the nineties. And all these movies, where they showed New York, were considered kind of fantastic. And now you can just see it, roughly speaking, in the window at a distance of half an hour on the subway; you can see Manhattan there … and yet, you know, it’s so strange. I rate it as positive, but it’s a strange thing: it’s like when you watch American movies of the nineties, when an immigrant comes from some country to the United States and he starts building his life. And often in films it shows a successful life. And then such irony happens when you come here. Here you just try to do what you dreamed of once from the movie—where an expat man comes to the United States for the American dream. But the reason is not that; the reason is the war, of course. So now it’s just so ironic that you are the hero of this movie and as you play yourself, you make up your life.
Thank you. What was the hardest part of this period?
Well, most often, of course, for me personally it is the language barrier, that level of [American] English. First, it is insufficient. Secondly, we realize that we basically have at least had European English courses and had gotten used to that. So in the beginning, New York is very difficult in a language context. It is complicated by the fact that a lot of people live here from other countries such as China, Italy and Mexico. And accordingly, each nationality has its own rather serious accent. And so in the early days to understand, well, in principle … American English is radically different in sound and pronunciation from European English. Therefore, here the most severe barrier was, namely, the language. But as with everything else, well, if other people can do it, then perhaps you can too and the language can be pulled up to the level. But the language barrier is the only thing that hinders me so much.
Can you describe how you feel living here?
The answer is twofold, because I am a person who cannot separate myself from the news from Ukraine, especially considering that my relatives live in Ukraine. And what do I feel? Again, this is a lot. But the main word is safety for one’s family. That’s the most important thing I can say, because everything else is a matter that comes with time. Because even before the large-scale invasion, we lived quite well in Ukraine. Our children were in their place in kindergarten, my wife and I worked, and we had a good income. We could afford to travel around Ukraine once, twice a year, maybe outside the borders, and so on. Therefore, the feeling here is … Again, the feeling is mixed. The news from Ukraine does not make me happy at all. That is, there is a war, and you are constantly in touch with your family and friends in Ukraine. But then you also feel that your children are safe. Of course, the family is a priority here.
How do you feel, being away from that part of the family that stayed in Ukraine?
You know, absolutely calm, because I chose my path for myself, and they chose theirs for themselves due to various circumstances there. That’s why we’re constantly in touch. Of course, I would like them to be here, close by, but this is not always possible. We are in touch; we communicate every day. Every single day we communicate. I personally have the impression that I did not even lose touch with the people I was with before moving to the United States.
Do you have a sense of non-belonging and discrimination here, right now? Can you describe this, for example, in terms of what happens?
What do you mean, in the United States?
Yes.
No. I don’t have that feeling, perhaps because I immediately found my own social environment that understands me—that adequately appreciates my capabilities and believes in me. I also believe in these people. So somehow it happened that I tried to surround myself with like-minded people, and now there are more and more of them. And so to say that there is, say, discrimination, is possible. Perhaps this is what was in the previous question, related to the language barrier. But on the other hand, I’m working on the language, so we don’t have a keen sense of it.
Tell me, please, about this experience that you are going through right now. Could you ever have imagined that you could handle all this?
No. Never, not even close. I did not think that I could do it, considering all the events that have happened while I have been here. I didn’t believe in it. I never thought about it because the whole experience implies moving to another country. I understood that moving was a planned decision that includes the preparation of documents, accumulation of financial resources, and so on. That is, it is one thing when people make different plants to consciously prepare for this, but when it is done in a forced situation, then … You know, in a forced situation, apparently it compels a person. Well, it personally compelled me to maybe rush into action. That was the situation. Again, you understand that if people, for example, are in either Canada or in the States, they are preparing for various programs and so on.
Tell me, please, what helped you to now be able to cope with all this and live this experience? What do you think is your strength?
My strength is my family. This is the only answer. There is nothing more. My children, wife are everything.
How do you think refugees are treated in this country? Have you ever felt any moments of discrimination against yourself?
Yes, to some extent, because there are people who have come here who have the opportunity to get a variety of benefits. Some people use them, some do not. Other people who came here a little earlier, before Covid, or after Covid, or before the large-scale invasion, do not have the [same] benefits that were provided to [recently arrived] Ukrainians. Even with a work permit, they somehow react very aggressively to this. Why did we come? We received a work permit after ten months, and you came and already a month later you have a work permit on any basis? This is, in fact, exactly where there is such a misunderstanding—coming not from the receiving population, but from the people, the migrants, who arrived earlier. They do not always understand the situation itself.
Tell me, why did you leave your country?
We have been at war in Ukraine since 2014. At first it was hardly noticeable, the annexation of Crimea, in the Donbas. This happened in 2014 after the Maidan Uprising and the Revolution of Dignity at the end of 2013 and the beginning of 2014, [respectively]. Then, in February 2014, we had the annexation of Crimea—the war in the Donbas. But it could be said that most were perhaps only dimly aware and few believed that it would escalate to what happened on February 24, 2022: war (not the war itself, but a large-scale invasion). Even though the territories were annexed in Ukraine, the whole rest of the country worked, airports worked, borders were open, and everything else. That is, we felt safe thanks to those people who held the Donbas. They were invisible. First there was an anti-terrorist operation. These were certain groups of people, servicemen, who held the boundaries in the territories with the occupied Donetsk and Luhansk oblasts, respectively. But there was a large-scale invasion and Ukraine started to be bombarded with rockets, seized cities, and so on. Therefore, this is the main reason—the war.
Tell me, please, how did you feel when all this happened?
Emotions are probably difficult to convey. First, it is clear that one goes through stages where you have to think everything over and accept it very quickly. What did I feel then? Perhaps it felt terrible because no one expected it. For the most part, no one expected it. So, well, fear is always present. I think that in everyone, even the strongest person, there is fear: fear and perhaps not only for oneself, but for the family. For me personally, the family, my children and wife, is the most important thing. And, despite the whole situation, it was necessary to keep a cool head in order to overcome all the difficulties as quickly as possible.
Thank you. Tell me how your journey here took place. Was there anything difficult during this period and what can you share now?
You know, it’s hard for me to say that it was difficult for me, perhaps because my priorities were more dominated by my family. I was more happy that I would see my family in twenty hours there than I was [unhappy] that I was leaving Ukraine.
How long had you not seen your family?
The fact is that we had a brief meeting seven months after we separated, after the family moved abroad, and after that it had been another year. There was a brief meeting, but it was not enough, of course. And then a whole year.
That is, a year and a half?
A year and a half, yes.
How did you feel when you came here? What were your emotions?
Well, emotions again, the same twofold. Here, in this situation, I was dominated by positive emotions because I was waiting to meet my family. I imagined in my head how it would be. Of course, I had worries about how everything would be in a new place. I’m going down the stairs of the plane. What’s next? There were more global issues like how to live in a new country, how to stay afloat there and everything else. Of course, meeting with my children was joyful. But globally, what will happen next for Ukraine? Definitely. Because, well, what’s next? And on the other hand, the children were concerned with some small questions such as talking to an officer at the airport to understand his English correctly. Among the global, of course, there are such subtle things.
Tell me, please, when you remember these events, your journey here, what do you feel now?
Listen, I felt absolutely, let’s say, positive. I understand that what is being done in Ukraine is a big disaster. The war in Ukraine is a big disaster. Aggression from Russia, a large-scale invasion, means very big trouble for everyone. But what I felt [at the time] was certainty. Again, what I felt is that I’m going to my family that I haven’t seen in a year and a half. Everything else may have faded into the background.
And how does this experience affect you today? And could you ever imagine that you would cope with all these events?
No, no, of course not. You know, the concept of war for a person is a very complicated concept. It knocks you out of the normal rhythm of life. In times of war, all laws are completely different. Everything is different, including human psychology, emotions, and everything else. I absolutely did not think that I would ever see a war. You know, no one prepared us for it, no one talked about it. There are some countries, such as Israel, that are almost constantly at war, and there every child knows how to behave.
Tell me, please, how did you manage to get through these events? Did you have a plan? Some kind of strategy?
Until a certain time, I had neither a plan nor a strategy because I, like all other people, lived in conditions of uncertainty and unpredictability. Where will the rocket land tomorrow? No one knows where, what place it will reach, and whether your shelter will survive, even if you hide there. Therefore, there were conditions of uncertainty. Of course, after that it was necessary to form a plan for yourself. How did I endure it? I don’t know. Maybe a little common sense somewhere. Of course, constant communication with the family, supporting the children, getting photos from them, videos of their work, seeing how they live, what they do, their drawings—maybe this helped as well. And of course, as it turned out, personal discipline, personal organization was very strongly manifested in me during this period. As far as possible, in ordinary life it is less manifested, but here it played a very important role.
Where did you find strength in yourself? In that period.
I did not find it. Well, let’s say, there is such a phrase, “How do you deal with all this?” The answer is simple: I actually can’t cope, but no one sees it. A lot of things that happened to me, no one has ever seen and maybe no one will know because it was all complicated. It was a very difficult period. Where was I looking for strength? In myself. Well, of course, whenever possible, I tried to stay busy with work at that time and other things—that is, keeping myself busy and, as they say, employment is the best cure for depression. Well, the second thing, of course, is the crowded memory of the phone with photos and videos of my children and wife, seeing what they did, what steps they took. Rereading the correspondence with my wife at night, rewinding for several months the conversations we had, and watching the videos—actually, [I found strength] in this.
Tell me, please, about what you dreamed of before the war. Do you remember?
Yes.
Tell me, please. If you can, start your phrase with, “Before the war I dreamed of …”.
Before the war, I dreamed that my wife and I would find a good school for our children, because they were in a good enough kindergarten. We dreamed then about simpler things, how to organize life, to make repairs in our apartment. Because the children had already grown up and no longer painted on the walls, so, in fact, we wanted to update some things to make the home comfortable. Of course, the children grew up. And travel. I really dreamed of traveling—traveling in Europe, traveling through Ukraine. In part, we tried to do this before the war. That is, my dreams were about home life, travel, good work, a good position and recognition of myself and my wife at work. Well, these were the main ones, but that was all before [the war].
And when you left Ukraine and during your journey here, what did you dream about then? I also ask you to answer, “I dreamed of …”.
I dreamed … What did I dream about? Well, as I understand it, dreams that are written down, written on a sheet, and that have clear dates, are already plans—intentions that can be fulfilled. I already realized that in twenty-four hours I would see my family, so my main dream was an end to the war as soon as possible, one way or another, so that life in Ukraine, education for children, and everything else [would be restored]. I had a very good job in Ukraine, which I loved very much. And so that was the first dream, certainly, over all else. So look, I realized that in a day I would be with my family. That’s for sure. This was already a fact that just required waiting a day. My first dream was an end to the war, the war in Ukraine, and for the whole horror to end. Unfortunately, I had to bury a lot of friends and loved ones with my own hands. Therefore, in fact, the first was just such a dream. Beyond that, I wanted to fly here to take the family home, and just get a visa to visit the States in the future, to places like Yellowstone National Park and the Grand Canyon. It was the main dream.
Before you left Ukraine, what would you call your strengths and have you managed to keep them?
It’s hard to say. You know, I thought my strongest side was a cool head, common sense, and caring for family—but unfortunately, the war changed me a little. I absolutely love my family, my wife and children, but I myself have noticed that I have become not necessarily aggressive, but I am a little different. Perhaps it is due to the fact that war breaks people. Well, I, unfortunately, lost such a pre-war … Oh, I can’t even tell you what it’s called. Roughly speaking, before the war, I behaved a little differently with my children. It’s not a question of whether I love them or not, it’s just that something has changed, something has broken. It’s what I’m trying to fix now. Interacting with children, being there for them, being able to solve their issues democratically—this is, unfortunately, what has broken a little. I think it will recover. It’s just that a period of time must pass for everything to recover.
You went through a lot of difficulties. Do you feel like you grew as a result of this experience? Was there anything positive that you took out of it?
Certainly every person who experiences war, to one degree or another, no matter what status you are (citizen or a soldier, or whoever) is affected by it. This experience, as they say, costs you dearly, but aspects of it can be positive. I had some positive experiences. Yes, because even in such difficult times, there are people who unexpectedly reach out to you, who need your help. Again, this is war. It is very difficult, but for me, during this period, not many but several people who are now important in my life appeared to me. So I had the [positive] experience of meeting new people.
What are your hopes and dreams for the future now? If you can also start your phrase with “My dream is …”.
An end to the war in Ukraine.
Can you repeat it completely? “My dream …”.
My dream is an end to the war in Ukraine. I dream that this is not just an end to the war, but that it is a victory, where the war ends differently. As history shows, they end up at the negotiating tables, but in what status?
Good. Thank you. I am very grateful to you for answering all these questions. Please tell me if there is anything you would like to add to help the people who will read your interview later to better understand your experience and the life of displaced people from Ukraine here.
It’s hard to say. I think that, firstly, one should not expect any “rainbow” hopes, rose-colored glasses, or money on trees from the new country. The fact that you are not under shelling, not under air raid alarms, that you can see airplanes flying overhead, [should be appreciated]. You can see that your children are safe. I think that’s the most important thing. We must realize the very fact that coming to, for example, the United States, is already the ticket that has saved you from the war. This is the first thing I would add. And the second, respectively, is to work on yourself, to look for opportunities, because there are also a lot of people here who are willing to help. The main thing is not to demand more. Sometimes, of course, we in Ukraine were used to having quite a lot: other medicine, cheaper dentistry, pediatrics (which was very important for children). We were used to the fact that we could afford a variety of [luxuries] for both men and women, such as cosmetic services, makeup, getting eyebrows, nails, and hair done, and so on. Here, everything is different: it has a different price and it has a different quality. And to demand such things here is not necessary. Of course, I want everyone to reach their highest level, so that they can calmly not worry about anything and allow themselves all of this. We must realize that in another country, we will never be the same as we were in Ukraine before the war.
Thank you. And to clarify what you’ve said, so that you can tell the people who live here about the life of migrants, maybe you want to add something else, or no?
I would say that I understand that the people who have already lived here may have a slightly different attitude towards migrants. But what I want to say is that all these migrants are people who, for the most part, lived happily in their own country—but who are now living in very difficult conditions. They came here to save their families; therefore treat them [with respect]. I think that at least, if you cannot help a person, then just respect their choice. People must escape war, and unfortunately it is quite difficult to explain this to people who have never known war and do not understand what it is. People must save their families from war, and I think that this should be treated with understanding, above all else.
Thank you very much.