Adonis

full interview

Good morning sir. So yeah, as I said, we’re going to start the interview. Can you introduce yourself? 
Yes. Hello, my name is Adonis, I am 28 years old. I am now in New York and I live in Harlem.

Alright. What type of housing do you live in?
I live with a friend these days.

And how do you spend your time here? Are you working?
Well, for now, I can say that I’m getting by. I don’t have everything I want, but I’m actually getting by. Because like the way you evolve as an immigrant, you don’t have the papers yet, so you’re not legal. So there you go. 

Alright. And how has your life been going since you arrived? 
My life, I can say it’s like all of us. We already know that life with foreigners is not easy, it is complicated. But for me, for example, I am used to coping and fending for myself. So I can say it’s quote unquote going okay.

What are the things that are bringing you joy right now? 
Things that bring me joy.

Or that make you happy. 
That make me happy. It’s just that. How to say? Well, right now I can say that there’s nothing here that makes me happy, honestly. Because it must be said, when I compare my country for example, with my family, with friends. So currently, maybe I am not yet open with people, I do not yet have the opportunity to live my life as I did in my country. So honestly, right now it’s just what I’m actually managing. 

So you are not happy.
I’m not going to say I am.

Joy?
I can say no, just that I manage.

Ok so what good things have been going on since you got here. 
Excuse me?

What is going well? 
Well, going well…

What do you think is in fact the most good in your daily life? 
Well, to tell you the truth, nothing. There is still nothing but maybe ten years that we have been living with hope, saying that maybe one day everything will end. And I am also here waiting if I live, waiting for my papers. So we’re juggling and actually being patient.

So you’re finding your life hard here? 
I can say yes. Not, not at all easy because, imagine: you are in a foreign country, you have no family. Well, let’s leave that aside, but the job you want or the life you want, it’s not like that yet. And on top of that, you come to a country where the language was not, was not your language, was not your spoken language. But for me, for example, I manage anyway. And I know. And like I said, I’m used to going through tough things and I’m not afraid of it. So until maybe patience and hope that motivates us to stay here for now. 

Alright. So as I understand it, in fact, first of all, how does it feel to live here in your heart? If you can describe it in one word. 
I feel abandonment. 

Abandonment? 
Yes, I feel abandonment. Abandonment and, here is a life without reference points in fact. Honestly, because it’s an adventure. It’s an adventure.

So it’s not easy. And how do you feel? Far from… away from the rest of your family, your home, your sense of belonging, etc. 
Nothing. Like… like… I want to repeat the word nothing. Empty. Really feeling very empty. Because as they say, you are happy only at home. 

Ok
We are here for the adventure and imagine that the resources are not yet there. The opportunity has not yet been presented. We are there with hope and patience. So I think I’ve actually summed up, that’s it. 

And do you feel discriminated against or stigmatized? 
From here or.

Here? 
Well, I feel inferior if I say inferior for example. Of course, we were not asked to leave our country to come here, but maybe we were given half the opportunity. That is to say, they come and enter our country. But something that I am used to discussing with those around me or sometimes really if I really want to discuss and I speak honestly, I can’t understand. I can’t understand one aspect. The fact that we are told to come here, i.e. the door to America is open, so everyone benefits. But after you live… A lot of people today, not just me, regret it. And they have no choice but to return, but they live. Life here is hard for them because, imagine, maybe you had something in the country. Today, you are losing everything to start all over again. We know how to start over. What’s the point? What does that mean actually? We know that. So I do, I blame the government, in fact, I blame the government, I blame the government. Why? Because I tell myself that every person who is here or who comes here, they had the minimum. That is to say to satisfy one’s needs and to nourish oneself, that is to say the primary need to feed oneself. So there are people, there are people. I’m going to speak for the people, honestly, there are people who are there. Even eating is a problem. So we can’t imagine other aspects actually.

Are you talking about about refugees? Asylum seekers? 
Exactly. That is to say we can give them housing and even housing today, it’s really complicated, really complicated. I am reporting it again because, imagine, you are coming, we tell you yes, there is at least you will register again. And sometimes there are people who sleep on the streets, who sleep on trains. I myself have gone through this and already to go there to ask it really requires sacrifices to leave everything behind. So as asylum seekers and refugees, it’s not at all easy actually.

So if I understand correctly, do you feel stigmatized, discriminated against? 
Yeah.

Alright. Would you have imagined experiencing this situation? 
Honestly, I never imagined going through this situation. Never. It never actually went through my head. Sometimes I actually say to myself, why did I do that? Because life is actually very good. Why did I choose that? But I’m not going to be honest as well, I don’t want to be mean actually. Or you thanked God because it’s going okay for me. In fact, it’s okay because I manage and sometimes I also meet people, maybe, who are trying to roll up their sleeves, that is to say, to help me. It’s okay. But really to talk about everyone who’s there, people are really tired. Really.

And how were you able to overcome these steps? Because you say it was very difficult. One feels that it is difficult. How were you able to overcome these stages to live or live at ease? 
Personally, I am not afraid of difficult things. And I even love it. Because that’s where I gauge myself. I compare myself so it doesn’t bother me too much and I tell myself that sometimes, the more difficult it is, the more experienced you have the more you also try to find a solution. So for me personally, for difficult things, it’s not a problem for me. In fact.

What is your strength?
I can say that it’s patience.

Can you say a sentence? “My strength”, your strength, “my strength” that is to say?
My strength, I can say, is the fact that I am patient. And I also know… how am I going to say? to manage the present moment in fact, and to aspire to the future. So there you go and… sometimes find a Plan B. 

So, do you think you have developed the capacity to be able to face these challenges that you are currently experiencing or that you have even experienced?
I’m going to say no, because I only know the present moment. I don’t know what’s going to be done tomorrow. But I know that, as I told you about Plan B, I am from there. And as they say, we’re looking for each other. It’s adventure and adventure, it can work. Today it may not work. Anyways.

So you think you’ve developed these abilities to be able to overcome the things that are going to come? 
With God’s help.

Alright. And I would like to know what is your dream? 
My dream. Oh me not me, I’m weird. I reported that to a gay man. If I am weird, you can ask me about my dream, and for others, they will say my dream is that and that. Me. For me, I say that my dream is the present. It is today. These are my projects, these are my projects that I aspire to for the future. So I can say the present moment is a dream and a dream to live in fact. So tomorrow is tomorrow. Of course, we have our plans, but the present moment is very important. 

In your dream, it’s the present moment. 
It is the present moment. Yes, because I’m not going to be here stressing about what’s coming tomorrow and all that. Certainly, we have our projects, we have our… that’s it. We are going to accomplish some points, but sometimes, for me, life is for living in fact. Life is beautiful and meant to live.

Like what for example? Like what project? 
As a project? So now you want? Do you want me to just talk about my plans? For that, I prefer to keep it to myself.

Alright. In fact, how do people see refugees in this country?
How do people perceive refugees, the.

Refugees or asylum seekers?
That is to say at the government level or…?

Yes. Or of everyday life? The people you meet, the population.
How do they see us? In short, as the word suggests, they see us as people maybe who are… who are having difficulties in life and who want help and who are really aggrieved actually. For me that’s it.

Alright. Now we’re going to talk about your past.
From my past?

Why did you leave the country? What has happened? 
Well, how am I going to explain that? Uh Well, it’s going to be it’s private in fact. But hey, I’m going to try to answer, but I’m not going to answer the question. I’m going to keep it private.

Ok
Why? Because I tell myself today, in the world, even with friends, you have to be careful. You must not let your mouth betray you. Because I tell myself that sometimes you want help. You are talking to one person but unfortunately your words will go away, but you do not get help and people will say that yes, there are such and such problems. So, in any case, I’m not even used to doing it in real life, even with it. Well, I actually have a problem saying my weakness, but a problem. So I’m really sorry, I prefer to talk to him in private about my weakness, my problems and that’s it.

What made you leave your country? 
Yes, exactly.

But in fact, even if you don’t say what it is. But how did you feel at the time? 
It’s not easy at all. It is not at all easy today, especially in Africa. Where I come from, it’s very different to want to stand up for something. To be born into a family where there are beliefs and you see who you are, there is the difference between that is to say there you go. There are not the same visions and the same realities and therefore it is not easy. So, and I think that today, the world, even those who are a little awake, know what is happening in Africa, that is, there is no such thing as “open mind”, there is no such thing as open-mindedness. That is to say people, sometimes it’s still about mentalities. That is it. And that’s it, people, in fact, they took the place of the gods, it seems to me. They have taken the place of the gods, they judge and they are the ones who condemn. They are the ones who actually see you. There you go. So I tell myself that if humans had paradise, no one would come in. There you go.

Alright. And now can we talk about your trip? How did that happen?
Well, my trip was quite exciting. Honestly, for my part, I didn’t have too many difficulties. It was more fear than difficulty to tell the truth. What people would say and all that. In any case, I was able to manage and I didn’t have a lot of problems honestly. Because as I am patient and sometimes also as I said, I endure difficulty. And in everything, we tried to find a solution. So I think I got out of it safe and sound.

Ok, ok, that’s perfect. And now was there a difficult experience in your journey when you came here or something that you could have… 
A difficult experience is that maybe I’m going to say um, I like it. I actually don’t want my life to be like this. So I have a hard time sometimes when I think my life has turned out that way. Sometimes you are confronted with things that you did not choose. Sometimes you are faced with difficulties. It feels like it’s the reality of things. In fact, there’s nothing we can do about it. That’s it and that’s it.

And if you think about these events often, how does that affect you? How do you feel? 
Honestly, that’s actually my weakness. Sometimes I want to end my life in fact, to kill myself honestly. Because how am I going to say that? It’s actually hard. It’s hard, it’s hard, it’s complicated. And sometimes you say the why You ask yourself a lot of questions, but you don’t have the answer and the only answer you have is that living with it, you have no choice. Or else die. So sometimes it’s live with it or die. For me it’s actually both. You live with it or you die. And it’s not easy to live with it. Oh yeah.

Ok It is very difficult. When do you usually think about these things? Does it happen to you often or is there something that reminds you that you think about it? Or is it something that happens frequently? 
I’m going to say that sometimes it’s when I see people judging… people’s judgments. That’s when it happens to me and so I can say that it happens to me every day. So.

So it’s affecting you even today?
A lot. It affects me a lot. The fact that you see indifference, people sometimes with looks or behaviors that are not good, and all that. But as they say, that’s life, you have to act. And because all of us do not have the same mentality, the same analysis. So it is the man in fact who must have a strong mind in fact. The man has to be strong. Because if you are not strong, even if you are not going to take a knife for yourself to kill yourself, life, life, people will actually kill you. In summary, because life is not easy, in fact, life is not rosy, life is not rosy. And thank God the fact that I know it myself. So that, as a result, it feels like an incentive to know the fact that life is not easy.

And compared to your past, could you have imagined getting out of it like this? 
I am going to say yes, because since childhood I have always been quote unquote independent. I have always defended what I see and I have always protected myself. Maybe it’s also the fact that I was born. I didn’t see mom. I knew my dad at the latest to join him and live with him. So when I was born I didn’t actually know my mom. So maybe I knew my grandmother’s love. I said… how am I going to say? So she was the one who educated me, who gave me education and all that. So I can tell you that maybe because of that, I am independent by nature and I tried to act. And so not too much… not too complicated actually on my end, because I actually learned to manage my things.

Is that your strategy? It was indifference. 
Indifference is going . What do you mean by that? I didn’t get it.

In fact, you’ve always been indifferent and all, so that’s why you didn’t have problems overcoming these challenges in your past.
Yes, in fact. After all, I am defending myself and I am someone who actually defends himself, I am someone who defends himself and tries to see what works for me. So as you called it, maybe indifference. There you go. So I’m not going to watch a situation stay intact, no. I will try to see what it is and take the best. 

We soon came to the end of this interview. What was your dream before leaving your country? 
My dream was never to go abroad. To tell you the truth. And above all stay there and live. Never. But unfortunately, as they say sometimes, life is like that, sometimes there are some things, it’s not up to you. Life imposes on you or there you go. But my life honestly is not about going abroad and even more so taking the immigration route and coming to a country and suffering because you have no rights. 

So what was your dream?
My dream, my dream. I’m going to say that staying in my country, contributing, giving the best of myself, the best of my country and finishing my studies, and that’s it. Develop a lot of things on the environmental, social, political side. And that’s it, it was my dream actually to stay in my country, of everything… for my dreams to be in my country, but not to go abroad in fact. 

And I see that you are actually a very strong person. What do you think are your strengths? 
It’s determination. Yes, I am determined.

Yes. 
I am determined. There you go. I don’t have to be in a situation. I am actually trying to find a solution and. Honestly, there it is, to manage them, in fact, is to manage them.

Alright. We have reached the end of this interview. We thank you for being able to answer these questions and for sharing with us your story, which is also very fascinating and very difficult. And But I have noted a lot of life lessons anyway through your experience and your interview. I hope it will touch the world, people, in fact, who really want to be inspired by this strength that you have? If you actually had one last word to say what would it be? What do you want to share? 
Well. I’m going to say first of all, thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to bring out what’s in my heart, what’s in me. Because sometimes a lot of people want to express themselves, but they may not have the opportunity. And as I told you, there are some things, maybe I can’t talk about it here too, because, lest people hear and I can’t find what I want. So I preferred all my life to be as discreet as possible and to really find the right person in the right place, in the right place. So as a result, I would like people to have a sense of listening. Try to understand the people who are speaking, try to understand even, it is that they did not say. There you go. Because as I said on the side of my weakness, I’m not used to talking about it and really afraid that people will hear. And you don’t have help. Thank you.

Thank you very much Adama and thank you for sharing this interview with us.