About Refugees, By Refugees

Portrait of refugee Casio hiding his face with a red passport and a barbed wire in front of him

Casio

Pictures taken in:

From:

Nationality:

Photo and interview by:

Germany

Morocco

Moroccan

Baxi

“My dreams are to come inland, to feel free and to feel safety,” says Casio (pseud, 29), who left Morocco to escape discrimination against their gender. Now seeking refugee status in Germany, Casio spends most days learning the language and talking with friends, who “help me a lot” in navigating life in a new country. The journey from Morocco to Europe was far from easy. But Casio explains, “It’s not safe there. You can’t express yourself outside your chamber, inside your family, or society. Now I can express myself and be with my friends. I feel happy when I meet with them.” Casio traveled to Turkey and Greece, then via five other countries to reach Germany: “It took one year and seven months to be here.” Along the way, Casio was captured eight times, beaten, robbed, and jailed, but says, “I survived this all… to build my new life here.” Casio hopes to move on, drawing strength from past hardships: “I remember my stress and I remember my fears, and focus on what I have to do now.”

Trigger Warning: Death; violence/murder; homophobia; racism; discrimination

full interview

What kind of housing do you live in?
Refugee place, place?

Refugee camp?
Yes.

Okay. Can you describe the conditions of it?
Is a place, you know? Place to sleep and kitchen to cook. Yes. I have worse in my room. So that’s better.

Better?
Better for outside, you know, to sleep outside.

Do you live alone?
No, my roommate.

And how are the conditions? Do you have separate beds?
Separate.

Do you have hot water and nice kitchen? Do you share the kitchen with others, or is it your own?
Yes, with others. Three.

Three? Okay. And do you know the person that you are living with?
I am just move there, so no, for no it’s friendly, so everything is okay for now.

And how do you spend your time, in general?
[Inaudible] Behrouz arts in the morning and after, in the evening I go to biblioteca, Deutsch, I study Deutsch. In the Abend. You know. At 6 o’clock to 9:30 I go to Deutsch course in school. That’s my routine. And search for [inaudible] in the morning, also.

Do you enjoy it?
Yeah, you have to, you know, you have to. You have to learn the language, you have to learn, you know? You have to make your life here. It’s a beginning, you know? It’s schwer, it’s hard, but you must move to make a life here.

Do you work?
No. Not, I’m new here. I started language now.

What are some of the things that bring you joy in life? Like what do you enjoy to do?
Enjoy to do?

Like, when you do something you enjoy, you are happy. But what are those things?
Helping people? Yes, I enjoy helping people. Yes.

But for yourself?
Is for myself, also. [Laughter]. When people you are enjoying, you know?

And how is your life since you are here in Europe?
Very busy, because you must learn Deutsch and go to school, you have to do a lot of stuff. With arts, with business arts, you know? [Inaudible]. And also search for hospitals. So, I have a busy day.

Is it good for you? Do you enjoy it?
No. It’s hard to do, this thing. You know, to intel, you know to, to study, to. It’s not matter of enjoying, you know?

And what are those good things that you’re here that you enjoy doing? For example, you say “I have to do it.” These appointments with bureaucracy and learning German, you have like full day, I am not sure, should, if you enjoy it or, of course, it’s good, maybe for you. But what are other things that you enjoy being here?
Meeting my friends, German friends. I enjoy to talk to them. I enjoy to be with them, you know?

What has been difficult since you are in Europe?
Difficult? Complications of the system and I must figure out the system, and must have help from other people. It must. My friends help me a lot, so without help, helping from other person. You can’t overcome the system. You can’t figure out. So the help from others, it’s must.

And how you feel in general? Like, what’s your feelings about being here since you’re in Europe?
Yes, I feel good, you know? Better than my homeland. I feel, I can do, you know, I can express myself better than my homeland.

And how does being away from your family affect you?
Yes, I miss my mother, my father, you know, my brothers. That’s it. My family, I miss. So, but I am, I feel, you know, relax here. You know? I feel better here, than my homeland.

And do you feel belonging here?
Belonging?

Do you feel like you belong here?
Yes.

Yeah? And how does it make you feel?
Safety. Safe.

You didn’t feel it in your homeland?
No. No. Not safe there.

Do you face discrimination here?
Discrimination, like?

Like racism or discrimination that, do you feel that people make you feel you are not from here, and you don’t belong here?
One. Yes. When I, one of the social worker, you know, when I went to get the paper from insurance. When I get the first year of, when I put, when I apply my refugee thing. Yes, I feel like when I told them I am from Morocco. You know, he told me, Why you came here? He asked me, like, it’s not, you know, friendly question, Why you come here? We give you money? So this one, he told me all like German people walk in and will give you money. So who will, how you will pay? That’s, [pause]. This one, for Arzt, you know, for …

Injection?
For Arzt, for like when you’re sick, they will give you money to …

Insurance.
Insurance, yes. He told me, How you will pay insurance? So he put me in a situation that I am not from here, so. He told me that I would abide, the translator abid. You know? And how you will pay it? How will you pay, that insurance. Like, he told me, I give you money. I told them, in the translation, that I will abide in the future, also. I will give money to insurance, so what of kind of question of that? I don’t understand what. So I feel like, discrimination.

Do you also face same kind of attitude in other places?
Yes, but not much, you know. Like that one and other one. But when you talk English and German worker don’t speak English or don’t want to speak English with you. And I don’t know what, you feel like you are not welcome, you know? But it’s not too much, you know. Like one, two, three times like this. But in Hamburg there is a lot of citizens, lot of German, they are friendly. I don’t know other cities, but in Hamburg there’s a lot of citizens from Poland, they are friendly, and they can talk English. So I can, yes.

And how do you feel when you are discriminated or face racism?
I don’t like it. Yes. I don’t know. But yes, the other people who are nice for you, who are friendly. So the other discriminates don’t matter. So yes. I don’t know, maybe I speak English, maybe others, they can’t speak, so it’s different for them.

And how you survive racism or discrimination in Germany. Have you overcome it?
I try to focus, you know, on my goals. Like Deutsch goals, doing, you know, to overcome this one.

Ignore, the?
Yes, because I have the worst thing in my [inaudible]. It doesn’t matter, you know?

And did you always have this ability to focus on your goals?
Yes. Yeah, so.

Even before coming to Europe? And how has COVID affected your life, corona? Your feelings, your mood, your emotional situation?
You have to adapt, you know? Adaptation, it’s human, you know. Now it’s normal. The first, when corona revealed, it’s strange, but it’s hard for people, but now people live with corona now.

But what you? Like you, considering your condition and situation.
Like I told you, like focus in your goals, and you must overcome problems. Not corona, but our problems. That’s how you survive.

Now I will ask a couple of questions about your past, and why did you leave your country?
It’s not safety for me there. Yeah, because my gender, you know, problem. So it’s not safe there to live. So I feel here, more safety and I can be free.

So you were not able to express yourself in your country.
No. You can’t.

And is there anything happened there because of this, or…?
Yes, always they know like, with me, with other in the same situation. And I meet a lot of my friends are the same situation in my room also.

Your way?
Yes. They go to Croatia to make, you know, to make a refugee situation there. Yes.

In Croatia?
And they accept them, because it’s a fucked up situation, you know. You can’t live in Morocco or in a place, you know, discriminate you.

And how you were feeling in Morocco? Like, that you cannot express yourself, and how was your feelings?
Bad. It’s stressful, you know? It’s not safety, you can’t express yourself, lot of dangers to die there.

To die? It’s life threatening? Did you have any experience like this?
Very stressed. You can’t express yourself outside of your chamber. Inside your family, inside your society, you can’t express yourself. Now I can express myself, I can be with my friends. I feel happy when I meet with them.

And how was your journey to Europe, your route, way here?
It’s hard, very hard.

Can you tell how it started, and where did you go?
From Turkey…. From Turkey to here, Turkey, Greece, Albania, Slovenia, Montenegro, Bosnia Croatia, Slovenia. Yes. Until Europe. It’s easy to talk, but it’s take one year and seven months to be here. And they catch, you know? They catch you, they beat you.

Did you have those?
Yes, police beat me. I mean, they catch you, they take your money, take your clothes, take your stuff. And bring you back to you know to Turkey, to borders. That’s the worst part, you know? They catch you and bring you back. And you don’t have other solution to come back. So, and the worst thing that’s police and other people there, they think that people who come here, all of them it criminal or something, you know? But there is a lot of stories, everyone have stories, and everyone like my situation. It’s, I met some bad people, but all of, most of them it’s not bad people. They just come here to, for a new life. It’s fleeing from dying there in homeland, or discrimination there in homeland. So not all of these people have a background criminal or something, like they think. So that’s the problem. The police treated us like criminals, and yes, my first time I go to jail in the Greece, they put me in the jail, like 24 hours. It’s strange for me, you know. Yes.

And how did you feel?
I feel like I am a criminal, and I do nothing. Yes. It’s, it is stressful.

Was there an experience that you was very difficult for you on your journey? That you still remember?
Yes, on my journey I remember. On my journey, it’s difficult. Yeah. I remember, I sleep in the cold weather, I sleep in the jungle. Especially first hour in the morning, it’s fucking cold, you know? Hurts your bones, you know? You know, feel suffering, feel hungry. Hunger, feel like, not safety there, from police, from bad people like mafia. Very stressful, to come from this road.

Do you think about these events of your journey often, now? Do you think about it now, or?
Yes, now. Every day. Yeah.

And how do you feel when you think of it?
That’s why I am focused, you know? For a new life here. Because my journey was impossible, to come here. Because they catch me like, eight times in Greece, four time in Albania, like four times in Bosnia. So I survive this all, so. That’s why I am focused, to build my new life here.

And do you think your journey affected you today?
Yes, of course. When you have, like, this experience, you will not forget it. Yes. It affects you every day.

It sounds really difficult, like that you survived it. But could you ever imagine that you would survive with when you were in your journey?
Now I can, now. But you don’t, I don’t have choice. I don’t have choice to come back. Just you know, move forward. Because I don’t have choice to come back, Just survive or die. Yes, I see the die, many times. I think that I would, like. Yes. And when you come here in German, they don’t ask you this thing. How you survive, how you come here? Just told you, why you come here? Don’t ask you, how to, how you come here. Don’t ask you the real question, how you come here. Ask you, Why you come here? Just want to point you away from Deutschland.

And during your journey, now that you survived. How did you create any kind of strategy, mechanism to survive it? Like, as a human being? You said like, move forward or die.
Yes, if you know, if you don’t move, you will die, you know? Yes. And you can’t come back.

Did you develop it during your journey or did you have it always, this…
No, just in my journey. Because they catch me, you know. Like I told you, eight times in Greece, they beat you, they take all your stuff. You know, they discriminate you. And you must survive. To come here.

And before you left your country of origin, what was your dreams?
My dreams are to come inland, to feel free and to feel safety? Yes, to feel safe. To be free, to feel not like, you can live with other people.

And did you achieve that?
Yes, now I have a nice friend now, in here. I have no like, stress, you know, to learn language. It’s hard, beginning. That’s the difficult part, to learn the language. To make art, to work. To make your future here, because it’s a new life here. And the beautiful thing is people, you can feel safe here. And other thing is, I can’t, you know, overcome. That’s the most thing, to be safe, you know?

Do you have dreams for future, now?
Yes, you know. Learn language and do [inaudible] work, and…

Something bigger?
[Inaudible] and helping other people.

And I will ask a couple of wrap-up questions, like to summarize. Before leaving your home country, what would you describe as your strengths?
My strengths?

Like your power, abilities, to survive everything. Like where do you feed your soul and life, like are you a stubborn person that, yes I want this to do, and I will do it. Or you are, for your goals, you are, I don’t see this, or I don’t see this, ignoring, or.
You don’t have choice, you know? I don’t have choice, just to go out from my homeland. Like I told you, never come back. You don’t have choice to come back, just for.

And through your experience, do you think you become now grown and adult, out of this experience?
After this experience? Yes. You become like, fearless. Don’t fear anything. Even died. Because you meet, injured and died. On my road, that died.

Death?
Death. Yes. So you become fearless, and you become like, you have witnessed this every day, because you remember what you suffer. Most of people doesn’t know what you suffer.

And is it something positive, to be fearless? Because of this stress?
It is positive if you know how to use this fear, to take you goals. To study. Because you overcome these things. You must create life here. You must use this, this fear, this stress, for positive thing, not negative thing. If you use this for negative thing, it’s fucked up. That’s why I try to focus, I remember my stress and I remember my fears, and focus on what I have to do now.

Is there anything you would like to add about anything, like about your journey, about being here? Do you want to say anything?
Yes, like I say, you know, just when you’re told that, in the bureau, in the [inaudible] or something, that you come from Morocco, like that one, you know. He have bad guy for Moroccan people that come from this road, that’s bad people. It’s not all of them bad. I know bad people there, but it’s few, not all of them, you know? That’s the wrong way to look at the people, when you say that you are from Morocco, they just think that you are criminal or you are, and you come from this road. And you survive this journey. That’s the problem I have here, in Deutschland.

Do you want to say something to people in Europe? European people?
Just for, you know. For the police, police in my borders, because I meet German police in Albania. They work there, and police especially in Croatia and especially in Greece, they beat refugees. Some people, European people, some of them know this fact, but some of them didn’t know. But refugees suffer a lot from the police, and from, you know? They beat people, to come back. Just like I told you. Not all of these refugees, it’s not bad people. It’s like, want safety and want safety from their family, from their selves. Want to learn, to create a new life.

Thank you.

Many 1000 Dreams interviews were not conducted in English. Their translation has not always been performed by professional translators. Despite great efforts to ensure accuracy, there may be errors.