Jasmin Darabi

full interview

In what kind of place are you living? Initially, I used to live in Moria Camp. The situation was not good at all, it was a crowded and dirty place. People of different nationalities and cultures live in one place, that’s why there were many fights. But fortunately, with the help of a Spanish lady, we rented a house in the city, and the rent is paid by a charitable German lady who helps homeless women and girls.
Can you describe the situation? First of all, they did not give houses to refugees. It is very difficult to find a house, or even if it is found, it is very expensive and requires documents that we do not have. They don’t give these documents easily, like a work certificate, which you need a job to get. But even for the Greeks themselves, it is difficult here, whether it comes to the refugees. Some others need an insurance certificate which is again hard to get. But fortunately, my friend, who was a Spanish lady, found a house for us through her friends. Although it is old, it is better than Moria Camp.
Who do you live with? I live with some other girls and women who are also alone and have the same conditions as me.
How do you spend your time here? I became a voluntary member of the group that helps refugee women and I spend most of my time there.
What things make you happy? The health of my father and brother.
How has life been since you arrived in Europe? For me, life here is much better than in my own country, but the conditions for a refugee’s life are still difficult.
Can you tell me how life here has made you feel? I feel good, now my life is much better than before.
How does being away from home and family make you feel? How does the feeling of not belonging, discrimination and stigma impact you? I’m concerned about my family, especially my mother, and their disappointment because I’m sure everyone is taunting my mother about how her daughter has brought shame upon them and gone abroad all by herself.
Did you ever imagine that you could endure this situation? How did you manage to overcome it and survive? no never.
Do you think you have developed the ability to deal with these challenges or do you think you have always had those skills, strengths, mechanisms and resilience? No, I did not have these strengths before. I think these problems made me stronger and taught me to believe in myself and be confident.
How has the corona disease affected your life, feelings and morale? Because my work is banned, I am busier thinking and recalling past memories. I used to keep myself busy with work to avoid remembering those horrible memories.
Why did you leave your country? Can you explain what happened? The important reasons that made me leave my country, family and even loved ones were these: insecurity caused by Taliban and Kochi people, men’s wrong behavior towards women, lack of rights for women and girls and their torture by men, not letting women receive education, forced marriage and especially rape. I lost my brother and sister due to the Kochi and Taliban’s attack. Taliban and Kochis are very cruel, they do not show mercy to our women, children, or men. If they capture our men they kill them ruthlessly, if they capture our women they kill them after tainting their honor, if they capture our children alive they deceive and kill them. Among us there are customs that are very meaningless and incorrect. When a boy is born, they celebrate and rejoice, but when a girl is born, it is not the same. From the first day they are born, they are condemned and they are called death until the moment they die. Because of being a woman and a girl, from the first time they come into the world, they find a husband for them, and from that time they choose a boy for that girl as a husband, and the decisions about that girl are the responsibility of the boy’s father or older brother. Unfortunately, after I was born, they chose my cousin for me, and my uncle was responsible for me, unlike my father, he was a bad person, he was used to swearing. My cousin was a good person and he had nothing to do with me, but It was my uncle who did bad things to me after my cousin was martyred. He had nasty thoughts about me and even directly expressed his illegitimate demands. He had no mercy even for his own daughter which hurt me even more. My father was younger than my uncle and since he was blind my uncle had to pay for our expenses. He was a tyrant and no one could go against him, yet my father always tried to back us up and stand against my uncle. However, my uncle always humiliated him and told him to shut up because he was the one feeding us and my father was just an extra mouth to feed. My older brother was a university student at Herat. He was tortured by the Taliban and after that he was never the same. He lost his health to the point that he couldn’t even walk or take care of himself and that’s why me and my sister were forced to work. I always tried to do my job right and keep my employer happy but no matter where I worked my employer and male colleagues made sexual requests. They said that I either had to do it or I was fired. That’s why I had to change jobs a lot. It left me quite depressed. I kept asking myself why. Is “prostitute ” written on my face? It had a tremendous impact on my mental situation. Either I had to turn a blind eye towards the situation of my father and brother or I had to succumb to the demands of those lustful men. I was tired and wanted to get away.
How did you feel at that time? I felt bad. It was hard for me to stay away from my mother, father, loved ones and my country. They needed me. But I had to endure it. When I left only my sister knew. I didn’t want to tell my mother and father because I knew they’d disagree and feel bad.
How was the trip to Europe? Is there a particularly difficult experience that you can talk about? Traveling alone to Europe was really hard for me. Especially when I wanted to leave Afghanistan they didn’t let me get in their cars after realizing that I was a lonely girl. They told me you’re alone and you will bring us trouble. After that, whenever they found out I was alone their impression of me changed. They mistreated me and saw me as a prostitute. They gave me bad looks and didn’t like me to stay close to them and distanced themselves from me. I remember getting to a hotel at midday. It looked old and wrecked. People there were smoking a lot of weed. I was with another family and they told us some people from the government would come to check every night and they couldn’t keep us for the night and we had to go to their home. They wanted to separate me from that family but I stuck with them and didn’t leave them for the fear of my life. I tried to stay awake at night. One night I was so tired I fell asleep and then felt a hand on my body. I suddenly screamed and woke up. He was the smuggler. He ran away to save his honor and stood farther away. When everyone gathered he said that I had to wake up because we had to move.
How did you feel at that time? I felt sad and disappointed. I was scared and worried. I wasn’t worried about myself but about my mother who was thinking of me and was hurt. My father and brother’s sickness was enough for her and I didn’t want to add up to her pain. I didn’t believe I’d survive. We saw corpses on the road who had died from hunger or thirst or fell down from the mountain. It was really scary.
Do you usually think about these events? When? Do you think about a specific time? All day long, especially at night when I want to fall asleep. I recall everything. How the smugglers treated people like animals and forced 50 people in a small car. When we came, it was winter and we could see wolves’ footprints on the ground. The corpses…
How do these memories make you feel? I feel really bad. I don’t know how my life has passed. I was always struggling with problems and I’m not happy and lively like a 17-year-old.
Does the situation ahead have any effects on you? How? Now that I’m here I’m much better compared to how I used to be in Kabul. I’m happy that despite all the problems I could get here. To me, it felt like getting out of a well. I’m confident that I can succeed in the future and make my family proud just like I have overcome the current situation. I realized a woman could easily succeed if she wanted to thanks to her patience, sacrifice, and sympathy.
Did you ever imagine being able to manage this situation? Never. Especially since I was raised in a family that was so against going to Europe I never imagined I could get here.
How could you endure problems and handle them? Have you obtained any strategies, mechanisms for coping with hard times and these memories? In Afghanistan people always talked bad about abroad and didn’t have a good opinion about it. They said refugees are forced to wash dogs abroad. But I didn’t think that way and I told myself that washing dogs was better than letting someone molest or rape me. My sister was the only person who knew I was going to Europe. Thinking about the future always gave me hope and helped me.
Before events that led you to running away from home, what was your dream? I always dreamt of going to Europe because I had heard that women were respected there, that women were free, they could take their rights and no one was violating their rights.
What was your dream when you left home? Success in the future, health of my father and brother. To become a role model for other girls and women especially women and girls in my country.
Previous challenges: 1) Wrong and old customs for example devaluing women and girls 2) Having a blind father 3) Poverty 4) Losing my fiancé.
Current challenges: 1) Traveling to Europe alone 2) War and lack of security 3) Brother’s sickness and trying to make money for his treatment 4) Loneliness and immigration 5) Unknown future
Strengths in the past: Patience- high intelligence- self-confidence- compassion for the family
Current strengths: Trying to become independent
Dreams in the past: Peace and tranquility for my country
Current dreams: Success and self-sufficiency in my job and aiding women who are in need of a helping hand