Lady Chavarría

full interview

We are here with… 
Lady Chavarría.

OK: Lady Chavarria. Tell me, what kind of… housing do you currently live in? 
Well, I currently live in a shelter.

How do you spend your time here in this city? 
Well… I try to spend my time mostly walking and then doing a little bit of exercise to try to get rid of stress and of boredom.

Are you currently working?
No.

How has it been… What has life been like since you arrived in this country?
Well, in reality, life in this country is… Hmm… It has been a little difficult, but there are a few more opportunities for us as transsexual girls in this country and well, there are ups and downs.

What was the good thing about being here and what was the difficult thing?
Well, the good thing about being here… It was then… that I happened to get the housing where I live in for the time being and well the difficult thing is that we live with the same issues than in our country, that people are violent towards us. I have been attacked in the subway by people, they have insulted me, they have beaten me and well, here we are, still fighting. 

How does it feel to be away from your family? How does the feeling of… of no… of… of discrimination because of the stigma? Can you describe it?
Well really the… the reason for being away from my family doesn’t affect me at all, because my family is a part of the people who have abused me… Erm… I have been discriminated against because I am the person that I am.

Did you ever imagine that you could handle this… how you would handle this situation? How did you do it? How are you overcoming it? 
Well, really at the beginning … I… Well, I felt super bad because no one… helped me. Nobody understood me. But then, over time, I understood that it really isn’t necessary to be close to someone for you to feel okay.

Do you think you developed the ability to face these challenges or do you think you always had that ability, strength, mechanism, resilience? 
Well really, uh, I’ve always had this attitude when facing life because well… It is difficult not having anyone to support you, always being on your own and, well, my goal is to always move forward and live my life day by day. 

How do you think refugees are perceived in this country based on your response? Can you tell us about a time when you have felt discriminated against? 
Well really … Well… regarding us, well… on the one hand it’s fine, because they provide us with support in every aspect: health, housing and everything, but this… Well… in the place where we live there are always people who harass us.

Tell me: why did you leave your country?
Well, I left my country because well… there was a lot of violence, a lot of discrimination. They actually tried to kill me more than three times. My family didn’t notice and well… instead of supporting me, how do I say this, they instead threw dirt on me. 

How did that make you feel… at that time?
Well, at that time it made me feel like the worst person ever, like nobody wanted me, um… I felt too sad. But hey, here we are.

How was the trip here? Any particular difficult experiences you can tell us about? 
Well, the trip was really difficult because I didn’t have the support or help of anyone. No one’s support, only God’s help. He’s the only one I trusted and well, the road was really difficult because well, uh… I was molested, they hurt me, they robbed me, I slept on the streets because I didn’t receive help from anyone, they discriminated against me and well here I am, doing my best as always.

I’ll repeat the question again, how did that moment make you feel? 
Well really… it made me feel bad, in the sense that I had no support from anyone, I was looking for help, they told me no because I was a person… I… apparently, because of the “Salvadoran stereotype” I was a “bad” person and well, I don’t consider myself that person. I felt really bad.

Do you think about these events often? When… Is there any…, is there anything in particular you think about frequently because of what has happened?
Well, I really do think so, but at the same time, um…, I’m a person who… I’m proud of myself for the accomplishments that I have achieved and for those I will achieve. 

How do you feel when you think about those moments? 
Well, it really… it really depresses me, but at the same time this… huh… I try to cheer myself up because here, I am alone, because no one can tell me: “look, keep going”. Simply, my way of thinking is just to keep going and keep on living my life day by day. 

Does the situation that you are facing affect you today or.. and in what way?
Well, it really affects me in the sense that I’m alone. I’ve never been alone, I don’t like being alone, but this… Well, I try to live the… spend the time being busy exercising or walking.

Have you ever imagined that you could handle this situation?
Well, yes, because after everything I’ve suffered, I’m here now with my new mentality and fighting for myself.

How were you able to survive, overcome or have you created any strategy or help mechanism to overcome difficult moments? Do you remember painful memories? Where do you find strength and support? Is there any place you find support from? 
Well really here… there are a lot of organizations. Well, I try to share a little and go to those organizations because it helps me to entertain myself and to not think about things that I don’t have to do.

When you left your home, what was your dream for the future?
Well look… when I left my home, my dream was always to be… to work, to make a living and to be my own boss. 

And before leaving your country, what were your strengths? Have you kept them? Are you still keeping them?
Well, before I left my country, my strength was a certain friendship, who always told me: “you can do it, come on, be strong and fight for your life.”.

What you’ve been through seems really difficult. Do you feel that you have grown in any way during this whole experience?
Well, really, yes, because before I felt like I was the worst person in the whole world and now I feel like I’m the best, because I live my life, I enjoy myself in a healthy way and I always manage to keep going with my head held high.

Today, nowadays, what are your strengths and your dreams for the future?
Well, my strength is, first of all, my mother, even though if I’m not with her; and well, my dream for the future is to have a job, to work hard to be able to have my own business. 

Thank you very much for answering these questions. Do you have anything else to add?
Well… I just wanted to say thank you and well to… to keep going, always.

Thank you very much. 
Thank you.