Najib Faizi

full interview

I explained everything about this project. If any part of the interview is not clear, you can stop me and ask for clearness. And if you don’t like to answer any question, you have the choice not to answer it. And now I want you to introduce yourself.
I am Najib Faizi from Kandahar, Afghanistan. I am the first Drag Queen of Afghanistan appearing on social media. I am a nurse, make-up artist. I came to Hamburg, Germany with my sister in 2013. I am 22 years old and going to be 23.

How is your immigrant situation?
I have a lot of reasons for coming here. The first one was war. And the second reason was that I am a member of LGBTQ and I was not free in Afghanistan. It was illegal as well as I had family problems. These were the reasons that made me immigrant here.

And now how is your immigrant situation?
In 2019, I got my German passport and now I am a German citizen.

Alright. You are equal to a German citizen?
Yes, I am, but in passport that is written that I was born in Kandahar, Afghanistan. No one can deny that I am not an Afghan.

You live in your own house?
Yes. I work here and pay all my expenses.

How is your situation now?
Thank God. I have a good life. My life is okay. However, life is hard being far from family. I feel like I live in a hotel. I don’t have the feeling of living in a house. I have everything that I wanted, but there is something missing. I don’t have my family and friends here with me. I felt that I missed something important like culture of Afghanistan its clothes and traditions. Again thank God. I have freedom here like I can go everywhere I want and visit everyone that I like. They have given me freedom.

What is your job?
I am a nurse. My profession is nursing.

And a make-up artist.
Yes. I am also a make-up artist. I have learned the lessons of make-up such as facial treatment, face cleaning, permanent make-up like eyebrow tattoo.

What makes you happy nowadays and help you be cheerful?
I have a positive feeling and it is that I could help LGBTQ in Afghanistan and fight for their rights. In a short time, most of the things have changed. Now people take pictures with us and accept us. I receive nice comments from them and they give me positive energy. I am happy that my people accept the LGBTs. My job is nursing and I am so important to them. If I don’t go to work one day, they get upset. I help around 8 to 10 patients every day and I feel I am a vital person in the society. It gives me a positive energy. However, in Afghanistan, the LGBTs are not considered humans. They don’t matter. But I am an important person here. I get good offers for nursing every day, but I reject them and say I am very busy. Thank God! In Germany they respect me and value me. It gives me a positive energy to improve.

Life here gives you nice feelings because you have achieved important things here. Against the hardships you endured, the achievements were worth them. right?
Yes. Life is much better here for me. I don’t feel fear here. I am not afraid of going out or being attacked on. If it happens, I can call the police. Here we have rules, government and organization that people can ask for help. It means I am not alone, there are people who help me.

The hardships that you had in the past. For example, when you left your country and came here, what feelings did you  have? Could you talk about those?
It was tough when I left my family because I didn’t know how to cook, treat people and talk to them as well as it is a diverse country and many nationalities live here. I came here through Iran and Greece and saw various people. There were different people and it was so hard for me to get along with them. It was very hard for a 11 or 12-year-old boy to defeat himself. I was kidnapped, sent to jail and deceived. I encountered many hardships like hunger and sleeping in the jungles. For a preteen it is much difficult to experience these situations. He needs food, love, peace and care form family. At that time, I was a father, a mother and a family for myself. It is very hard for me. I have those heinous memories with me now. I dream about them at nights and in the morning I go to work with a negative energy. At least, I am happy experiencing those situations and knew the people. Because of those events, I want to improve. Because I know life is very hard in Afghanistan, but here I have chances to improve. 

When you were a 11-year-old Najib, did you imagine the difficulties and did you know that you handle the situation?
I didn’t think, but I didn’t have any other way. I didn’t want to come back to Afghanistan. I had commit suicide or go forward. My decision was that I had to go forward and achieve my goals. I dreamt of being successful and finally I reached to Germany.

What abilities did this hardship and challenges that you faced in this path awaken in you? And for now, you are proud of them because they made you able to handle the difficult time.
I learned empathy which means putting ourselves in others shoes and knowing their feelings. Speaking with other people and knowing them. It is much more difficult to know people because they can change themselves. I have known people somehow. In the world, there are a lot of disasters and I learned one thing that I have to be happy. Be happy of what you really have and try to get positive energy. In a nutshell, I have known how important a load of bread is. Water is vital. I have known the value of things that I have. It is important to go in the right way and I’ve learned how important it is to pursue the right way and to progress. 

What were the effects of COVID 19 on your life, ethics, behavior and feelings?
As you know, I am an activist on social media, I make videos, fight for Drag Queen(s) and show my talents. In the two years that COVID 19 was spread, I could not meet people and hold parties. Everything was closed. Thank God! The only thing that I could do was work in the hospital and the number of patients raised. Thank God! Not because the number of patients raised, but because I had a job.

 Were you beneficial for the society?
Yes. But I could not attend to the parties and I was not able to do whatever I wanted to do. It made me so disappointed. I felt I was sick and alone. Life was so boring. When CoVID 19 disappeared, the world began to restart. The projects and works restarted.

Would you explain why you left your country?
I said that there were a lot of troubles. There was a war, I was a Drag Queen and I was different from other parts of the society. So it was hard for me to live in Afghanistan. I came here because of my future. There were severe family problems that I cannot talk about them. Therefore, my family decided to send me here. 

When did you know that you were different and a part of Drag Queen class?
I am a man who loves to wear women’s clothing, make up, show off my skills and perform on the stage for a short period of time. When I was 8 years old, I started to understand that I am into dresses and make-up not for permanent, but for a period of time. It is called a Drag Queen who is a man who likes to play  roles in his life. One role is Najib and the other one is Najiba. Najiba wears dresses and high heels shoes like ladies, does make-up, and performs like ladies. I loved it. I started to know about it when I was 8 or 9 years old. I could not show me off because it is a shame in Afghanistan for men to do so. Also it was prohibited for men.

When you remember those moments in Afghanistan that you wanted to wear clothes like ladies and you could not because of fear, what feeling did you have?
It is so difficult that I could not express my inner feelings. It was so hard to play a role that the society wanted. It was tough when I saw my real face in the mirror, but hid it when someone came. It was like a secret that was inside me and I couldn’t tell anyone and it was impossible to hide it. Somehow my inner feelings cloud burst. It was tough for me because I couldn’t talk about it and nobody understood me. I didn’t have any friends who were Drag Queens. This also has a bad image in the Afghan society. I had to hide it and play a role that wasn’t me.

How was your trip to Europe and what did happen to you on the way to Europe? What were the difficulties?
It took one year to reach to Europe and I was 11 or 12 years old. I experienced hunger, thirst, prison and kidnapping. The people that l believed they  were like fathers (to me) they tried to rape me and steal my money. I trusted one boy and thought he was like my brother. He kidnapped me. In a nutshell, I experienced moments that I wish  wouldn’t have happened to anyone. Fortunately, I saved myself. As Germans said I had to forget these hard experiences. There are people that smoke and drink to forget about events like these. However, I have all the experiences with me and try to take advantage of them. There were a lot of hard traumas that an 11 or 12-year-old boy didn’t have to experience. A boy like me didn’t have to encounter those hardships. Maybe God wanted me to see those hardships and become stronger in my life.

When do you think about them? I mean what makes you think about them?
I cannot forget them. They are in my mind. When I sleep, I dream about the time when I was in Greece and in that room, jungle and jail. I sweat and think that I am there, but when I wake up, I know I am in Germany. It has a negative effect on me and I cannot forget them. I can say that it is good that I have these memories because they teach and wake me up.  They show  what I went through.

What fo you think are the effects of the situations that you encountered?
It made me Najib Faizi and I am a big supporter of the Drag Queens and women of Afghanistan. I have found myself. I have realized that I am so different from other people. I am not like  those cruel people and I have to defend weak people.

Tell me about your activities  on social media. Tell me about the first time that you came and talked about you and your trends. We didn’t see anyone before you that talks about  it comfortably and accepts the fact that he is a Drag Queen and expresses   himself  like this from a country like Afghanistan with narrow-minded thoughts. How did you dare to talk about it?
When I arrived in Germany, I went to a school that belonged to foreigners like Afghans, Iranians and other nations that were not Germans. I used makeup items to look nice and unfortunately I received bad comments. They made fun of me and avoided being with me. They accused me of being bisexual and gay. I used to go to the washroom and cry. One day I was angry and some boys came to me and accused me of being bisexual and guy. They asked me  if I use makeup items? I replied, “yes”. I said whatever you think – I am that person. Bisexual, gay or whomever. I was happy that I dared to answer them. Then I  cried a lot. What are the sins of Drag Queens and what are their faults? They just think  men are the good people. I pondered whether to  talk about this on social media or not? After six months, I decided to launch my social-media activities. I didn’t talk about it, rather I just showed me. I didn’t have followers at that time. I had to dance and mimic the singer to find followers. When I had followers, I started to talk about drag queens. I talked about myself and invited other people to talk about me and give information to make people accept this because it is a normal phenomenon. Drag queens are not prostitutes. If some drag queens are whores, they just want to find money and make ends meet. If we have money, we won’t do these activities. Some of the drag queens are forced to do these activities in Afghanistan because there are no other jobs for them in Afghanistan. I showed that drag queens  are among literate people and that they work. There was no filter in our program and we talked frankly about them.

This was social media that helped you to stay stronger and defend yourself against these hard situation?
The negative comments always hurt me, but I wanted to deal with it differently and I wanted to change  people’s comments. I hope that one day all the comments turn into positive ones. I know it is not possible. However,  I wanted at least 60 percent positive and 40 percent negative. I fought a lot to change  people’s opinion about us. I could bring some changes. Nowadays 40 percent is positive and 60 percent is negative. At least I reached 40 percent positive comments from one hundred percent negative. 

What were your hopes and dreams before these events happened? I mean before you came to Europe.
Since I was 8 years old, I wanted to leave Afghanistan and go to a country where it has freedom and is nice. I wanted to go to a place where people dress well. I wanted to be far from the Afghans. The society where I lived was different and I felt that I am a different person. My behavior, face and the way I speak differed from those people. I have always wanted to leave there and go to a country where I can live freely and well. My hopes were dancing, using makeup and showing my skills. 

When you started your trip to Europe what were your goals at that time?
I wished I could arrive in Germany and meet my sister. I wanted to go to a place where I could sleep without any fears. I didn’t want anyone near me. I just wanted to be alone. At that time, I wanted peace. I wanted to sleep without any fears and  to be far from people who cannot touch me. On my way to Germany, I motivated myself and said that I will become a doctor and study my lessons. In short, every time we get closer to Germany my goals and dreams raised. 

When you started your trip, you were an 11-year-old child. So we cannot claim you had ability, but as an 11-year-old child you saw something in you, what was that ability that you saw in you?
The cruelty of Afghan society.

I mean what were your strengths? 
When I was in Afghanistan, I experienced most of the hardships with my family, school and neighbors. When I remember those memories in Greece, I knew I didn’t have any future in Afghanistan. The fear that I had from Afghanistan motivated me to go forward. 

Now you are also strong?
Yes.  from a young age I have known that  death  is always there. So there is nothing to be afraid of. I am moving forward. I feel like I have achieved 80 percent of what I wanted. If I die tomorrow, it will not be a big deal. Achieving  80 percent of our dreams is so great. There are people that cannot achieve 40 percent of their dreams, but I have achieved 80 percent. I haven’t had any big dreams. I just wanted to wear the clothes I liked and be free. These were my wishes that were accomplished. 

All the stories that you talked about were difficult memories. It looks impossible for an 11-year-old boy to pass the way to Europe. What do you think – what improved in you? What  were your strong suits? What  had the hardships you faced create within you?
When I started social media, I was so young. As I moved forward, more doors opened  for me. I made lots of friends. Girls and boys came  to be my friends. They invited me a lot. The society that knocked me down, now  that same society lifts me up. The society plays a significant role in my improvement. I improved a lot with the help of the society. I see positive things in me. It caused me to improve. If 60 percent of the comments were negative, 40 percent were positive. 40 percent was very important to me. I see positive comments and move forward.

Now that you are here and you live  a supreme level of life. What are your dreams and hopes for the future? Start with this phrase that my dreams are these.
My dream is to become a doctor to show the Afghan society that a drag queen can become a doctor. I want to become a doctor and help all the patients in Afghanistan. I want to start my university next year. In Afghanistan and outside Afghanistan, drag queens can live among other people. The people should know drag queens as humans and respect them. I also want to improve in the film industry. Afghans are backward in the film industry due to that, I want to improve the film industry and make films in Afghanistan.

Thank you. My questions are finished. Now if you have any  thing you’d like to say about the Afghan immigrants or drag queens and you want the Europeans to know about them, you can share them.
I want to say that there is at least one drag queen in each family. Maybe is hidden. Try to talk about it with your families because it is normal. You don’t know how hard it is when a person is a drag queen and he cannot talk about it with anyone. Try to accept and understand us. Support and help the drag queens in Afghanistan because they need your help and support. Don’t think like this that we are safe and have a good life. And the drag queens don’t matter in Afghanistan. We are always together. Like COVID 19, most of the people say it won’t come to Germany, but it came. So we need to support the drag queens. If you help a drag queen, its as if you help yourself. There are some drag queens that are affected with HIV, but there is no care for them in Afghanistan. If HIV cases raise in Afghanistan, it will raise in Germany as well. So help them and build health centers for them. if you cannot build them in Afghanistan, build them in the neighboring countries. At least help them financially. Try to find a good way for helping drag queens and women in Afghanistan or in neighboring counties. Thank you.

Thank you for your answers.