Stella

full interview

Okay, so you’re going to start, Stella. Thank you so much for accepting to have this interview with me. Uh so as I told you, uh for any question you don’t feel comfortable answering, you’re fine to answer it. And for any questions you don’t understand, you can tell me, and then I can bring it to you in a different way. So my first question is what kind of housing do you live in and who do you live with? What kind of house… Are you renting? Are you doing this or that?
Okay, hi, my name is Stella. I’m renting this house. It’s like three years. I’m rent here.
Okay, so who do you live with, which other people do you live with?
I live here with my four kids, but now one she’s not in home, she’s in college…
Okay.
Yeah, so I’m here with three kids.
How do you spend your time like… when… in the morning when you wake up, what things do you do? How do spend your time?
When I wake up in morning, I drive my kids to the school because the school for my kids is like uh 70 minutes to my house.
Okay.
When I come back, they shower, eat some breakfast and I go to work. When I leave to work, I go again to the school to my kids, to take them and coming home and sleep is like every day. Something similar.
So what, what are some of the things that bring you joy, that make you happy?
The first one because I have God…
Mmm.
and the second one because I have my kids, healthy, I’m healthy, I get a job. That one make me happy because too many people don’t have health, they wanna stand up to do something, but I’m okay. So, I want to make me happy.
So apart from looking after your children, going to work, do you have any other things you do?
No, I… I think I’m tired after that…
[Laughter sound].
I’m so tired. Yeah, I just wanna make sure my kids is clean, they’re eating and we go to bed. It’s like that.
So how has life been since you left your home country? How has life been?
How’s my life been…
Mm-hmm.
When I’m in my country?
When you left. Since you left.
I think now I’m better.
Mmm.
Because I don’t scare anymore. I don’t scare no people.
Mmm.
I I can go and I can come into my house. I can talk or I can say why I think I don’t have no people to tell me. No. So that one, I think is…

What has been good about you being here in the United States? What has good?
What is good here?
About you being here since you came here.
It’s everything, I think it’s everything.
You can list some things for me.
Yeah, like my life, my children because they is the first one in my life. Yeah, my child is grown up good and yeah.
So what’s the difference uh… Your life when you are there and then your life in here?
They have a big different… they have a big different because I I don’t wanna say only in my country, but I want to say in old. If you you you can’t say no or you can’t say yes, you feel like you are in jail, you know. So here I can say yes if I want to say yes, I can no if I’m not comfortable for somebody, yeah.
Okay, so what has been difficult about being here?
Um, we, I have too many difficult. Sometime.

Mmm.
Uhh… for the first one is for English.
Mmm.
Sometime to understand how to speak English is a challenge for me. So I need to be like, you know, think, pay your attention to the person, ask you something, or tell you something. Do you understand? Yeah.
So what does you being away from your home and your family back home make you feel? What comes in your mind when you’re you’re not with… living with your people? How do you feel?
Where here?
No if people you left back in your country when you left. How does that make you feel?
I think is… uh… it’s to think different.
Mmm.
Sometime is… I think and sometimes umm… sad too because I leave my daughter, she’s… uh… she is 12 now. Yeah, she say mama I’m happy for you and my sisters and brother, and sometime I’m… I’m sad and me too, I feel sad some… some time…
Mmm.
When I’m eating something good, you know, when I pay something. I can pay when I feel free, when something happen and police come to say I’m here to protect you. So that one is big feeling.
Okay. Uh.. have you ever been, like, have you ever felt discriminated here, like when people, like, don’t like you because of what you are? Have you, have, have you ever thought that since you came here?
Uhh… I think that one ha… happen every time.
Mmm.
But we don’t need put, um I don’t need like to worry about me. I don’t need to put my mind up in this because if I put my mind like that, I, I think I can’t, I can’t, I can’t umm… go in front, you know?
Mmm, yeah.
So I need just see here. And sometime if I can, if I feel comfortable, if I have time to tell the people, no, that is not okay.
Mmm.
But sometime if happen, I I… I don’t care. But, yeah, I, I have too many that. If you have too much discrimination, yeah.
How do you feel when you feel discriminated?
Ah, is painful, you know, is not okay because I think the people need to know uh… we are different. It’s like, where is somebody from, umm let me, let me say example: if somebody from France, France, come here, they speak French, they don’t know English, so we need know we are different. She come from Africa, she come from these countries, you don’t also…
Mmm.
Yes, but I feel bad when this happen.
Right. So, I know when you had the life you’re living back home and then when you left home and you came here. I know… how about what the challenges you met along the way as you come, as you come in here.
Oh, is the big, the big challenge, big, big big, I don’t…
You can… you can just give me a little.
Yes, of course. Sometime I don’t like talking about that.
 I know.
Because they make me feel bad. Sometime if I think about this, I can’t sleep because um we make seven month uhh… to come here, and…
 Wow…
In America.
Seven months.
Yes.
How was that? Just break it down for me.
Okay. Yes, we make um… Congo come to Ecuador. I don’t know what, what Ecuador in English, but it’s one country. They speak Spanish. Yeah, we make Ecuador, Peru, um Colombia, Guatemala, Honduras, umm Costa Rica, Nicaragua, and Mexico. So I think is like eight or nine different months.
So what were you feeling on that journey? I know it was a long journey. What were, what were your thoughts? What were you fears when you were moving along coming from one country to another?
In my mind, in my family mind, because I come here to my family, I’m just, I wanna peaceful.
Hmm
I’m looking peaceful.
Hmm.
So, I can see everything I see, I can feel everything I feel, but in my mind, in my family mind, just we wanna go when we wanna feel free, yeah, when we have a freedom to live in peace.
What were your fears, what were the thoughts you had as you were moving from one country to another, the challenges you had, more so like the emotional challenges, what was some of the things you faced as you’re coming on that seven month journey?
Can you repeat this question?
What were the, like, what were you feeling as you are moving along, the challenges you faced, how are you going through them?
Ohh, I feel s… ahh… I feel sad, but I feel happy too. And I put God in front, I say, I wanna go, I wanna try. If I can, I tell myself, Stella, you try, but I wanna try. Is too many different things, different challenge. No speak Spanish, no money, no food, water, everything, and pregnant. And when I live in my country, I don’t know I’m pregnant. I know I am pregnant in Colombia, when the one police see me, I told him, please, umm I feel like I die. I wanna die, so I need your help. And he say, “Okay, I can help you, let me check if everything is okay”. And I tell my husband, I tell you, go to the… to the children because I feel like from here I’m done.
 Mmm.
And my life is end, and when the police check me and say oh you are pregnant, I say really? And that one day this police call ambulance a airplane for me and they take me to this airplane ambulance to the hospital and my family, of course, and they put me to the hospital and when they say the the… my stomach is everything okay to the baby they surprise it’s two boys two babies yeah the police tell me please don’t think about that now you just think about your kids, your family. Go I know you wanna be in America one day and everything you see now is gonna like a story for your family. Yes.
So what kept you hopeful every day that I’m going to make this, even though you had so many challenges, what is that one thing which kept pushing you to go every day?
I think I… uh… it’s freedom.
Mmm.
Freedom.
You want it to be free.
Yes, I wanna… feel I’m free.
 Hmm.
I’m safe. My kids safe. Everything happen to my life and my country. I don’t… I don’t… I, I don’t want it to happen to my kids. So that one is my kids, when I see my kids I need to do something for them. So that one’s pushing me.
Okay, so now, uhh… I know throughout this journey, they are like things you, you became stronger, right?
Yeah.
Uhh… What… Do you think you were strong enough when you were back in your country, or you became stronger as you went through this seven month journey to the United States?
Can you ask again?
Uhh… when you’re moving through this whole journey.
Yes, to come here, yeah.
Mm-hmm, yeah. So uh do you think you… If you have to go back to your home country now uh do think you have that strength to fight? Like the strength used to work for these seven months to come here did you have it then or you got it along the way as you’re coming? You become stronger and stronger along the way.
When I leave my country, I don’t know.
Mmm.
But every day when I work, every day when I… I’m in another country, a different country, that’s what makes me more strong.
Yeah, so it’s like every day you are growing.
Yes, yes, every day. I say I wanna go, every day like my mind if it’s one today tomorrow is two, after tomorrow is three. Yeah, he’s like that.
So do you feel safe here?
Yes, of course. Yes, I feel good.
 What makes you feel safe?
Because I know America, they have… uh they have… I don’t know exactly.

Mmm.
But yeah, I’m feel safe because in America, is right, you know. Yeah, if is no, for political, is no for us too.
Mmm.
If is yes for them, is is yes for us, too. So we, here in America, people can say no to the, you know, to the to the… big people. They can say, no, we don’t want this. So they don’t die, they don’t… yeah.
So uh, you told… you told me you went through almost eight countries…
Mm-hmm.
So were those people… where they receptive to you, were they loving you when you were moving through them or were there some challenges you met along the way because you are from a different country?
Uhh…yes, I don’t wanna say the name of culture…
Mmm, yes.
They discriminated me, but I have one country I say every day to God bless Mexican people.
Hmm.
Because they take us like… like a family, yes, mm-hmm.
So, do you feel that immigrants or refugees are welcome in this country? Do you feel that?
Yeah, for me yes.
Okay.
Mm-hmm. I’m very welcome here, I feel that.
Okay, then so now we’re going back to talk about some little bit about your life in Congo. Why did you leave… why did you leave your country?
Because my husband, he’s have one group.
Mmm.
They fighting from the… from the, so the president, you know, for remove the president to have now.
Okay.
Yeah they’re fighting from that for say no to president. If he say yes to everybody they want say no, that one is the big problem happened to us. When they start to do this I told him, please don’t do this because her life is in danger, but he said I wanna do this… if I want die for my country, I wanna die it’s okay. Yes, it’s political problem.
So what really happened that meant uh… that pushed you to leave your country? Is there any particular um incidents which happened?
Yes, because my husband go to jail and the police, I don’t wanna say the police because police protects people; fake, the bad people.
Mmm.
They come in home, they ask me and my daughter, where’s my husband? So I tell them, my husband is in jail. Is you guys put him jail, so do you come to ask me? And that one is is like 10 different police and they do something bad to me and my daughters see that. That one I say, I don’t wanna, not for me, but for my daughter grow up in this country. I don’t wanna live.
So how did that make you feel? What was running into your mind? Were you scared? Were you… How did that make you feel?
Yes, I’m scared for everything.
Okay.
Yeah, I know I’m safe here.
Hmm.
But I’m scared too. I’m scared because that is in my moun… mind. Like one day later that’s fast, one day the police stopped me because the kids put his hand in the window.
Mmm.
And the police is here and they stop me. So where’s the police stop me? I cry like baby, I cry. Everything they ask me, I don’t know. And you think I like it. I do something bad, they have something. When you check everything, it’s okay. But I’m just scared people, you know, that one is the coming in my culture, yes.
Okay. Is there any particular difficult experience you had on your journey on those seven miles? Is there any particular thing you remember? And he said this was really hard for me on my journey to this country.
Yeah for the country… to the country leave you go because when you come in one country like, for example if you were in Panama you wanna go to Colombia you need to stay there, pay the money to give you one paper to you… to give you access to you take the bus to go to another country.
Mmm.
That one is not easy so yeah that one is not easy. Sometime the people take your money and they give you fake paper when you go to the… the bridge to you go they say no that is fake you need to go back again to ask again. Yes.
Now, through all those things you went through, do you sometimes think about those events when you’re here? Do they come back playing in your mind? Things which happened to you?
Yes, of course, every day, yes.
So what do you think? What comes to your mind when you think about this thing?
Ahh.
How do you feel when you think about it?
I’m very sad, very scared and asking why why why it’s it’s easy to leave just people alone if they don’t if they if they not happy for that just live alone, but no in African don’t do that.
Okay, so could have… could you ever have imagined that you would have been able to handle that situation? Did you imagine that you would go through all those problems you went through and you came out just the way you are now?
Yes, yes.
What were those strong things, what were your… what were those qualities you had as a person that kept pushing you that I must make through, I must push every day.
I think is only my kids, because when these 10 police, I don’t know exactly the name in English, they do me something bad, or or everybody.
Mmm.
Yeah, that one, when I think about that, I say, no, I don’t want to my daughters, you know, to happen to my kids that want to happen.
So from the time you came here, do you have like people who support you? Where do you get your support from?
When I, I’m come here in America, support like, like friend, like money.
Yeah, like it’s a really support system is like uh people who really help you to…
It’s only Freedom House and one shelter is in Texas. I was seen here. This mother, her name is Jennifer. She’s a really good person. When she see me, my husband and the kids and I’m pregnant, she say, you are pregnant uh eight months, so stay here for a few time and I say to you, to the one house when you can have, the first one, freedom, you can have food, you can have bed, and that house, it’s freedom house. Yeah, she send us here.
Okay, so before, before you left your country and came here, what were your dreams as a young woman? What were, what were, what… What where you dreaming about becoming in your country?
Oh, I, my job when I’m growing up is like, I wanna be police or a doctor. I wanna be this, I wanna be that. Yeah, that is my big dream.
That was your dream then?
Yes, in… yes in Africa, yes.
That is so good.
Mm-hmm.
Uh so, after whatever happened in your country, you left.
Yes.
Do you have dreams here, when you came here?
Um I don’t think it’s just free, yeah my dream is just I wanna be free, work, yeah, my kids go to school it’s just this.
So, that is your dream.
Mm-hmm.
So before, uh before you left your country and came here, what are some of the things you believe were your strengths? You know what strengths are? Like my qualities, which make me like… like cheap. You know, I can do this, I do that, I can do that. So what was some of those strengths you had?
I think… I think I put everything and I, you know, everything good and I because, you know, I know I’m strong woman, so yeah, I’m strong woman so I can do that.
Yeah, are you a kind of person that if you get problems you rise back and move the following day or you you you’re a person who gives up?
Can you ask again?
Are you a person, like if something happens to you today and maybe you fail in one aspect Do you come back? Are you one person who give up or you are the other person says I’ll make it tomorrow. I must stand up…
Yeah I’m like that, yeah. If some… something happen, I’m not like, sitting, cry, or think about that. No, I think from, no, that one, it’s okay. It’s happening now. It is okay. But I make more. I wanna be more strong. I do this. I’ll do this, yeah.
Okay, wow, I know you’ve uh you’ve been through uh really difficult times.
Yes.
Do you feel like you have grown in a way as a result of this experience? Do you feel that you have grown?
For come here in America?
Yes.
Yes, of course.
So what are some of those things which you have developed along the way as you as you are managing life?
The first one is um language, because now I speak Spanish very well.
Really?
Yes, I speak Spanish very well, so the first one is like… I, I’m, I’m smart, I wanna do this.
Yes.
And you know, the different different people, different that, yes, I mean, yeah.
So now you feel like you have learned so many languages.
Yes.
Wow, that is good.
Yes, I have I think like six international, seven.
 Wow!
Yes.
That is good.
Yes.
Wow that is really good. So what are your hopes now because i know as a person we always have hopes and dreams, what are you dreams now? You must having some big things for your life.
Oh, yeah, um
And I want you to, to phrase it that my dream is…
Uh… the first one, my dream is to see my kids grow up happy and do w… they think I don’t do in my life.
Okay.
In my life, I think I wanna be police, I wanna be a doctor, but I have no opportunity for that. I wanna see my kids when they say, I wanna be… I wanna be doctor, mommy. Be doctor one day. And my dream too is if, I know God’s love, he wanna yeah he’s help me, he will have my all business here.
Ok.
Yes.
Wow.
That’s my dream.
That is beautiful. It was good having you Stella. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you so much.