About Refugees, By Refugees
Trigger Warning: Violence/Murder, Sexism, Body image and appearance
So can you explain your situation? How long have you been in Germany? Where do you live right now at home and your situation? Your condition?
Yeah, well, I, I am Worood Zuhair, a public figure. I made the Naked Revolution in Islamic country for the first time from one thousand four hundred years. And it’s just spread very fast. I mean extremely fast in just one year. Everybody knows it in Islamic countries. Everybody knows me also. And I came from a very well-known family, my family. They established the what we call today Shia religion, but it’s about 300 million followers for them from all over the world, so just hard, difficult to run away from them. I mean, I’m the first female that she just successfully run without killing her, because as I remember, there is so many females tried to escape this family. It end in a very disaster way by killing them so I’m the first female. Also, I’m living in Germany from almost four years right now, um. I’m a biologist. And well, now what should I say? I did so many things that I don’t remember.
What’s your daily routine? What do you do?
It’s not daily routine because every day there is something new for me. Also, I made vlogging about the things that never anybody here just dared to talk about. I’m for the first time, I mean, the first time I talk in the free way about these things. Um one from them is just honor killing, because I know one from the females that they the family tried to kill her, but they did not successfully like did it seem like I don’t know how to say I have now problem with my back. You know. I’m literally,, no I don’t want to say that I am weak, so I mean, what I said what my my object, I mention it just nobody can say it. Nobody dare to talk about it, but I just talk. I mean, the things that I just exposed my family on their behave on what they do exactly. I mean, like their religion that they export to the people they don’t follow. They don’t follow the rules inside our family. We are really liberated. You know, like when when somebody see us external, we are really extreme. But when he internal our life, we are very liberal. I mean, like more than the the men are very liberal. I mean, even the females, when they married, they talk about sex about life in the western clothes inside the our our family. I mean, in the houses we are just like a very normal like, like, like they they live like Westerners inside the homes, but like in front of the people who have to fake, like to like make the things we are still with this religion, you know. But the most things, what we do like a seed of faith, which is we were really not in this faith. It just we make it for normal. People love that they follow the rules of this family. So I did not like how we are. We have to be in two characters, you know, one in front of the public, one with like private. It just makes you sick because all the time you have to fake, you have to be something else. Yeah. So to please others, not yourself. And I just said, I don’t want to be in this. “She’s a friend-like status” . I will have to be like normal. What I think about have to be the public like everybody know about my sexuality, my thinking, what I believe, what I don’t believe, how I talk. How I just dress. Nobody will have also without dress, nobody will black label me with my my body, with my thinking. I just talk like how I think, you know, this is what I did now, just like, you know, the Naked Revolution I did. It’s not just you. We have to liberate ourself or our bodies. We also we have to liberate our thinking and know naked everything, naked, even the naked truth. We have to be very honest with our ideas, with what our what we think, what we talk, how we feel about others, if we hate or if we love something like this. It’s like from long time ago, nobody say it, nobody say it. We all the time we have to believe the society, the people around us and nobody happy with this. No one . No one. Everybody like scared somebody will will expose like by by, your sexuality by your you know, your freedom. Everything is just they have to blackmail us with the with the normal things in our daily life. We have to stop it.
We l have to not make them dominant our bodies, our think, our minds. It’s not their right. You know, if they said it’s your family. You expose your family. I mean, exposed the behavior of my family, how they did to me, you know? I did not hit them on their hands today, say bring me to this life and then enslave me with your traditional religion faith. It’s it’s not my problem. You know, you you want to believe it’s your choice, but not my choice. Not anymore. Yeah. Because when they said, like, when I just become totally naked, everybody says, feel your father, feel your family, what you did to them. Schelseegal (German- I don’t give a shit). I did what I did. It’s just my body. It’s not like I’m linked forever with them. You know, even when I was in Germany, I was all the time feel very scared if they noticed I am talking in a very shitty way about the mistreating. Every time they treat us, we have to protect our criminals or the people that they we fled from them. We have to protect them here. Do not expose their behavior against us. Why are just ran away to Germany? If I have a lovely family, they they just respect me like me. I will not run away from them. You don’t want to run away from your people. You know, from nothing because you have to just start from from zero with this. This is very painful. You have to learn a new language, a new culture. You have to gain like a new friends. And of course, you just lost your family forever, the biological family. And this is also painful for for us. But you don’t do it to just from nothing even then, the animal, if you mistreat the animal he just run. Don’t want to be under this pressure all the time. Our families, they make us under pressure all the time. We have to do what they want from us. Nobody says, what do we want? This is the first generation, our generation that we are underestimate our eh, the old generation, our our our father, our mother, the traditional from from the how to say, the grandfather laws or the religion of our family. This is the first time that the new generation, they underestimate the old generation from us. So it’s really difficult for us, you know, because you are just young. You just face the entire society that you left behind. And, you know, they will not accept you as you like how they want to before like that- the one the fake person of living between them and everybody scared he will exposed with the things that they they black how to say to them, they harass you you know, with the very normal things, you know, the love in our families and societies, it’s not there. It’s not exist. We are all fake. You know, even my father, he just married my mom too please his society. He never loved my mom. My mom, she never loved my father. They was like the good actors in front of the society. But between them, it’s nothing there. Nothing. He just just something just disgusting, fake. And they just they they feel they are obligated to go to that to the end, you know, to to fake their life to the end. This is very disgusting. If I just hate somebody, if I don’t accept him, why should I stay with him? Why I have to bring more miserable more kids so they will suffer with with it, with the others. I don’t get it. I mean I mean, my my family they they never love each other. I never hear something like I love you because it’s in our family. This is like totally shameful. You say I love you. It just something filthy, as filthy as the infidels, those that we have to not shake the hand because they are infidels. So we have to raise our hands even if you if you touch him is like a black dog, you know, like the filthy dog is just fake. We’re really like we are really go like something very wrong way in this life. And I have to stop it. Somebody have to stop it, not just me, but somebody have to say this is just not right. This is wrong. And I, I am I think I’m the first one. She said it and I just exposed my family. Because I think all of this government, society, community, the first brick, the first government, it just your family. The the the family, when they in govern, the individual decided that the first prison, it’s to face your family- to be honest with them. We still are not facing our families because this is like the first unit for this society. If we just become clear with this, I think it just the automatically the society, the community, the government will be just like, you know, we will fix the problem, you know, because I said the families like the small government. If you are in the small government, you can’t express yourself as normal as you could. Why you have to go to the biggest government? You want this freedom? If your your father, your mother, your brother, your sister, do not accept your ideas, why you have to go to the biggest one with the authority that control of everybody there? Why you have to go? Of course they will kill you. You have to be honest with your family first, then you will go. Now they have to accept you. The family, they have to accept we like you. Then you, like that government will accept you.
How did that make you feel to not be accepted inside your family? Your, I mean, mentally?
They don’t accept me. I will not accept the rules against me because there are rules in like they want to enslave me with their rules, with their traditional, with their religion, with whatever they believe in. They want to, like, dominate, dominate my life, my mind, my body. I’m like slave for them. I will not accept it.I just leave. Of course, nobody can leave, but maybe some people, they will just they they they try to to to take the rights. By the way, this is their life. They have a right to defend their rights, you know? Even in Animal Kingdom, if you just want to enslave the animal and he will do something to defend himself from you. You know, some they have you know, they modified claws, like sharp teeth, anything, you know, to to just not make you enslave them. It’s just not possible. So why have to just accept my family? They do whatever they want to do. And I have to be totally slave, totally as I see their rights, how they abused to me, mistreat me, enslave me. They do whatever they want to do, maybe even to kill me. You know, I will not. I will not make them do that against me. They bring me to this life to just enslave me? That’s not acceptable for me. I have also my conscience and I can choose what I want to my life. Yes.
So you were angry and you wanted to stop?
They want to change from everything- enslave, my life inside Iraq. Everything, I was not feeling happy with them. I was not being good with them. I was not very secure with them. I was not feel safe with them. And there was there were the most closest people for me. Imagine if you are not feel secure inside that your family. Do you think the society you will feel secure in if you see your father and your brother like a criminal murderers? Do you feel normal from the other people that they are just strange, if like the most closest people for you, they treat you like shit? They just threat you all the time if you do something to break their rules, they will, just simple as that, they’ll kill you by bullets in your head and threw in the water well. That’s what my father, he was saying. “If you do anything, I just make your cousin put two bullets inside your head and threw you in the water well.” We have a water well in our farm. And it was extremely painful, extremely, because the one have to protect me, you want to kill me? Because I’m not on his shitty life, like how he want. How are you feeling about the strange the people? Of course it will be like no more wars than jungle. I mean in the jungle I think you have the right to defend yourself, but in our or our home, our family, or our society, and our countries, you don’t even have the right to defend yourself or to run from your family, because if you run, there is some shitty person that he believes, like your family bring you to the family to, they kill you simply, they don’t give you any choice, any choice. There is no choice in my in my life. You have to follow our rules or you have to be killed or to treat me like shit. So it’s like, you know, the God, like Allah. If you don’t believe with my my if you don’t believe I have to follow my rules, which is shitty rules, I bring to you. I just bring you to the hell, of course I will make you face the society so they maybe they will torture or to kill you. then I will bring you to there. Which shittiest God is? It’s like my family. If you don’t follow the rules, OK, we will do like this, this, this against you. Why? Why? Just why? You bring me to this life. Then you feel stuck. It just your right to control every aspect of my life. I will not, I will not let them. That’s why it was in my in my family, they was prevent us to see the life. You know, the TV was haram to see those infidels haram, of course, because if we see them like they are human beings and we are treated like animals, of course we wanted this life. Of course, you know, the the the inner voice inside you all the time, he just like braving the the the the the things like the freedom craving that you become outside the stress life ,because in our family we are really very stress individual. We have very stressful life. We have to watch our mouth, how we talk. You know, all the time, respect. Respect, the the the people that they don’t respect us. Respect the old person that you want just your right, because he’s older than you. Yeah. You have to respect him. Not, express yourself in front of him. You have to fear fear from him. What this shitty life is this? It’s just it was so much things that I could not like, even express. Like I have so much stress from my family. There are so much bad feeling from my mom, from my father, from my brother. I never felt safe with. Every time my brother, he just came to the home. I just feel like a criminal. He just entered and he just observe me like I am, you know, like this animal that he have to prey him, prey him, to eat him, or fress (German- eating up) him because he think I am doing something wrong. He have to establish his authority by fear on me. You know, I have to be all the time a fear because they translate fear just like respect. I have to fear my father. And this will be translated as respect. Respect your father by afraid from him. It’s just not right, you know, because this is how they make they minimize your your mind to think in a free way. And they want to they want you all the time, they want you all the time, like, you know, under their influence, that’s established by fear. Yeah, I remember when I was also hate my body because I’m just born in a female body, which is like literally translated shameful shame. You bring this shit all the time I hear from my my father, my brother, the society also. Also the females in this society, we are shame, shame. Our voice- shame. Oh, but shame. Our think- shame. Express yourself- shame. Even in my mom when I was saying I’m depressed, she was hitting me on my mouth because depressed mean you wanted men in your life. This is like extreme shameful for for me. Even to express the shitty things that they all the time, they they they make me digest by force. They make me digest this shitty feeling, shitty life shitty, um, um, everything is shitty there. There’s nothing for me. I remember like every day I have to face a shitty a new shitty things that I have to all the time says, “OK, I did not do that, I swear I did not do that. I did nothing like this.” Actually, I have to all the time justify for them why I’m living with them, because my my life for them is just like a, how to say, oh, druck (German- pressure) like pressure, pressure my family. Because I just came here to this life with this female shameful body. So I’m like, you know, I make them in stress all the time. So I have to justify to them. “No, please, I’m not like this. I’m like like how you want me. I how you for me. How you…” That’s shit! I will not accept it. That’s why I get like now disabled back because you know they hit me all the time. They want to control my life. They want not just control my life, they want to control my ideals. They want to control my mind. Because even when I don’t talk to them, I mean, my my brother, I try, which is just like self mechanism. You don’t want to be very near from this, the one that he like mistreating you. So you avoid him. You don’t want to talk with him anymore. So he will not dominant you. But even when I do this strategy. He came as a monster. He just like hit them like make psychological war against me. I didn’t notice. I said, why, why? I’m like, what, what what is wrong with me? I’m not doing anything with them. I’m isolating myself from them and the answer was I was threatening them because I just born in a female body, which is like a shameful body. That’s what the problem. It just it just the normal. I have to be submissive for what they do to me. And I was not OK. And I see the first enemy for me, not the very regime. No-the regime of my family. They’re my family. They are the first enemy for me. My father-, the first enemy for my rights. There was my family then I figured out, wow, so I have to the first time to liberate my my myself from my family, then the next Schritt (German- step) my society, then the next Schritt that the regime otherwise we were never successful. If there was one thousand revolution inside the Middle East, if we don’t liberate our family, from what they think about us, against us, it will all the time we have this shitty regime like they there to ruin our life, our our future. It will stay forever because, you know, you see Iraq, how many how many regime when time came and every time you just end like this, the shittiest regime that just that was before. So it’s like we are all the time. We are like, ah, um, change the the faces, but the ideologies, it’s the same. So one thousand revolution without a real change from the family, the concept of life, and how have to like respect our life as we are a new generation with a new thinking. If they don’t respect us, our old like the old generation from us, it will be the same. Every time, we have those the shitty people inside the regime. Ya know, like Iranian regime, Iraqi regime. Every regime! You know, we see all the time they change the faces. But the the it’s the same thing. We did not do any change.
What was your dream in Iraq?
My dream? To destroy everything that just fucked my life.
Did you achieve it?
Yes, I did.
How do you feel about that?
I’m not really proud of it, but I want to see there are real change like in front of my eyes before I die or something.
How did you came to Germany?
It’s a long story.
You don’t want to talk about it?
No, I don’t think so.
And you told me that somebody tried to kill you.
Well several. Of course, because I have a talk that break bones of people that they hurt me. I’m not hurting them physically, but are really hurting emotionally with them. When I just express myself, somebody who hurt me, who will be get really hurt because I know how I make it. I know how to make it. It’s just talent from my family, just the other on others that they really try to do something against me.
How does that make you feel?
You afraid or angry?
No, I’m just surviving like any other creature who want to defend himself from this predator world because we live in a predator world. Whether you want to accept it or you don’t want to accept it. I mean, even the small things they have strategy that they they have to defend themselves in the existence of life. You know, even the microbes like this, they have some toxins or something like strategy to make themselves. They exist. And I when I when I want to live my life, of course, everybody want to just feel like a threat from me because, like, maybe I just, um, the threat, his dominance or his control on others. Of course, this is will make them like hurt inside. This is like heritage from their ancestors that they’re dominant, their their sister, daughter, wife lives in a very shitty way, like very destructive way. When I talk about my my story, they said, you are like you will make every female like you. Of course, because we know this is like this is literally you know, you are making you are made wrong things. That’s why you are you are afraid somebody will expose your behave. Why you are scared if you are not do anything? Why my family, they always say ” Oh she expose us”. Of course because they know what they do against me was not right. They know it’s not right. They know there was enslave me. They know that they, they, they, they are shitty person. Otherwise if I just run away, if they did not do anything they said, “OK, She ran. It’s her choice. “They don’t be scared but because they are scared they are like “Oh the people will, they will eat our face”. Of course, because you know you are doing something wrong. That’s why we are exposing the ugly face you never show to the public. Now we show it. I show it. And I will show everyone he just very shiny in public. His reputation very shiny in public, but he’s a shittiest person when you just live with him. We have to not protect those. We don’t protect those. Most likely the men in our families, they are really very lucky, like they have very shiny reputation in public. They are very respectful. People, they they trust their words. But if you just live with them, they are the shittiest people that, they are the shittiest men you ever see. Everybody want to run include their daughters, wives, and sisters.
What was what is your challenge in Germany?
The language. It’s so much worse. My entire struggle that I’m struggling until now. Everything goes for me, it’s not difficult as the language. German language, difficult as it is, really. This is like, you know, I’m very smart. I just save my my life like my life from a very bad situation. But I did not save my life from the German language, which is very difficult for me.
How does it affect your feeling to not learning the language?
You know, I feel all the time. I’m very extremely intelligent. You know, I’m intelligent and I came like from like a family, they already to know how to dominant people minds. But, you know, there’s only things when I feel really ” I’m dumb. I’m dumbest person on this earth” when I just faced the German language.
I know you are not. And if you want to talk about it, how does that make you feel to know somebody want to kill you? How does that make you feel?
I mean, every germs, every microbes, every creature on this earth, every day, every minute, trying to just in somehow to hurt us, should not look just to human beings. I mean, human beings, we are like more complicated like this. We take a long time to think about how we kill somebody like this. But the germs, every day they try, really. They they make their harms as you can imagine, how they’ll try to to penetrate our bodies. But, you know, our self mechanism all the time that would defend, you know, like this is our borders. You will not cross it. So every day we have this feeling that we are like in survival mode. But, you know, you don’t know really in which creature he will kill you. If he’s just a human beings, animals, or the the mini creatures like microbes, which is like Corona right now. He just like he just very honest. He came. He want to hijacking ourselves. He just he’s very like very clear what he wants. He just want to dominate our bodies, our selves. And some have had have been already killed by this virus. So, you know, this life is just a chance to express ourselves. I mean, if you just live in fear somebody will kill you, you never live your life. I mean, because everybody wants to kill you if you want to to come to the to that conclusion. Everyone, even the ones that he love you, extreme love you and you extreme love him. And if you separate from him because death or because like, you know, some something happened to, it’s also very painful. It’s like you feel like like you will be dead. You know, somebody like, you know, the stressful ones all the time in our our life is just normal. You have to just balance the things and nothing you have to be overcome, thinking about the life how it be because in the end, everybody will be dead. That’s how you. You have to enjoy the moment also, you have to be serious with moment. I just translated the live from my expect expectation on, with my eyes.
What’s your dream now?
My dream, I have to find a job in Germany, and I’d like, uh. No! The first that I have to be, learn the German language.
Learn the German language?
Yes, this is like the big achievement. I have to do it right now. I’m doing my best. You see, this is everything with the German language, but look like very difficult for me. It’s a very complicated puzzle. I’m like 33. That’s what I face a difficult difficulties with, with the language.
And after that, what you do when you know the language?
Yes, of course I want the job, my job. I want to work here as a biologist in hospital or any field, biological field. I really like my job because like one on the main reason that I become with this very logical mind when I just enter a life science college, then I notice, I mean it just like you grow another meaning for this life or nature, which is very far away from your ancestor, believe, religion, or your family. So you become two parts from you. They resist like, you know, their religion part or like the heritage part. It start to the kämpfen (German- in fight) like fighting the very new because it’s very, very logical for you, very logical. That’s why it’s very strong, this one. That’s why, it just like the heritage part, it’s just have all this fear, you know, the suspicious. It’s like the best enemy for you, the heritage part, because they want to dominate you and you feel sometimes secure with it because you just born with with this heritage part. But the scientific part just in the end will dominant you because you will be in this struggle between two things. On one, you know, it’s not OK, but you you just take it because everybody around you make it, you know. I’ve got a family like this, that’s why, because in the group, people, they become OK when they do wrong things. Because everybody, do the wrong things you do with them, you feel very frankly. So but with like with the scientific, it’s just difficult for you because you start to become like a new individual with a very new thinking and make you feel more logical and it’s difficult how you will judge them, find the answer, or find the right way by your your own person. You will not get help from your family or something. You just get your help from your mind, which is also sometimes is difficult because you are like with something across your life. And this is very critical because all the time you want to rely on your family, how they solve their problems. But, you know, it’s like not OK because it’s just wrong, so you have to make your own way. Then you find another new way, very like very new, and like sometimes you are very satisfied with the results, sometimes not just and also disaster, but at least you try, you know?
Does COVID-19 impact your personal life?
Actually, I feel like it’s like kleine Religion (German- small religion). Corona, it just make Kopftuck on deine Nase (German- scarf on your nose) is like, OK, do you wear hijab for your nose? He’s like, he obligate us by the way. But he just like Corona is like with the equality because I notice he don’t distinguish between I am a woman, I am a man. No everybody like equality like in front of him. I think also he just like, like angry Allah. So he just like he loves to make people in fear. So he dominant people by fear from him. It’s very, look the fear all the time spread very fast. Everything with fear spread very fast was also the the impact of this. He make it with the bad experience for you. It’s like with stress they don’t dominant with stress. It’s never work. I mean, when COVID-19 will just goes away, you will see people how they relieve and like how they feel is like this this small dictator was really dominant their daily life in a very bad way and they will hate it. That’s why they fighting with the antibiotics, something like these vaccines. We really hate somebody will dominate us with fear, especially like the people of the new generation. Because I think the older generation, they were satisfied with this.
If you want to tell something to Europeans to get away from cliches that they have against refugees, what would you say?
I mean, life is change continuously. I mean, nobody will say this is my land because I will tell you something with my ancestor. The the the history tracking my family ancestor from the first beginning, from the from like their origin, which is I will say about my my the first one he just introduced now he was a leader before this is now Conca. Yeah? and he was in Yemen. Then he moved to Egypt to become like Waialae which is like a king. He, he, he ruled Egypt. Then he ended to Iraq. Now I consider I’m Iraqi, but the my origin if you go it just like in Yemen and like Yemen is very South Iraq. But every time the human beings, all the time they migrate, they move. They are not really in that like the land is not like how to say it? We are really like multi genes pools. Nobody says this is my my ancestors, because also when you read his ancestors, they came like invader. They invade this land. I mean, when I called myself now Iraqi, a female or Iraqi person. But if I go to my ancestor very like very deep and in a history you like, from one thousand four hundred years, they came from the South. And if I go more, it can be like from Africa they came, you know? So all the time, the people, they just they move. Look to me now, like I just move from from that very South to the very north to all the time are in this change move migration all the time. And by the way, this is also to exchange genes with others to make the individual that they came more healthy, you know? they become more healthy than you are, like how to say it in a close on your own gene pool, like you know, your people. I know how to say this is maybe not mention here. Like they are stigma with these things. No?
Yes, I mean, yes, yeah, I mean, all the time we are in this nobody who says this is my my ancestor line. Because if you go to his ancestor, they are also like invaders. I mean, for me, my, my, my, my ancestor, there was invaders. They invaded the lands, they dominated the people, and they they just they said, “Now this is our land and we’re going to say something like this. I don’t like it because I mean, you see the animal kingdom. The birds, the birds migrate. They don’t have passport. They don’t have something that they came from Africa to Europe, from Europe to Africa, who who says everybody he’s he owned this land? I mean, we are really temporary this life. Everybody have a temporary life and he just goes away. Nobody would have to say, is this is my ancestor, so you have to not across our borders. Who gave you this right? Before your ancestor also they gave them rights to come to this? Who give you this right? I mean how we really moderate ourselves as a human beings? By by by mixing our genes with other races, with other people, with other groups, with other nations, this is how we had a problem. Even if you read the evolution theory from another time to Criminon to this Homo erectus all the time, there was some to human from a different background. They just mix and they make a new and a new a new, a new tribe of human beings. All the time like this. I want to be honest, all of these things that came after the Nazi. The Nazis, when they said we are like the goodest or the best stuff like this, start to stop like this, like everybody you have is like says this is this is my group and I have to agree just with my group or with these people with this. Who says that? Before it was not like this. It was not like this. That’s why we’re not really like before. We are very like racists or something like this or like just my group. Just my people. Just my nation. Just my country. Just like nationalists or like racists or like we was not like this. This is all the shitty things like when the male dominant, they start to be leaders before black female. She will just choose which one, the good one for her. Not like just because she’s from this race I have to breed his genes. Yes yes, OK. No, it’s not like this. Even in Animal Kingdom, he was not like this. You have to see that behavior. I think they are more tolerance with each other than us as a human beings. We all become very like, I don’t know, have to say it, but like stiff. We have become like old, old bad wood. Old, bad dead wood like this? No, no rational thinking anymore. Even with the people that they say we are logical, rational. But when you go deep down to his way of thinking he’s not rational, you find he’s not logic, he’s not. He just fake. He just he just fake. He’s just rational logic, smart intelligence, tolerance but, when you go deep or you live with him, you see another type of person, but he have to fake in front of the people that he’s “Wow”, so everybody else says “We can’t criticize him because he’s just too perfect”.
Is there anything that you want to add?