Yasaman Rezaei

full interview

Can you tell me why you came here? It means what happened that … yes. 
Well, first, I was preparing for my Master’s degree Kankor (national examination) and then once I read a book about the names of gods and demons of ancient Iran. Then I went and studied about it and found that there is a major in this regard. Then I came to study this major, but I found that it only has an MA and I had to go to France to do my bachelor in this field. My father told me to go but I couldn’t because I was attached to my soil. Then, I read about it and found that I can go and get my bachelor in English Language and do my MA in the same major. So I did so.

By the way, besides the fact that I had lagged behind in Master’s Kankor for two years, my English was very good. And my father told me that it is enough to joke around and you have to take the Kankor for English Language MA. Then I started English language literature; I carved a tunnel. And for my Master’s, I went to Ancient cultural literature. And it was there where I was attracted in dialectology and started to (inaudible) and some projects came into my mind and I did storytelling and since my English was good and I knew French a lot, I was most often checking the different university websites and I checking the updated projects around the world and I was designing similar projects in my mind for my dialect. And then I would come to implement it but I would only face a closed door.

To choose the title for my Master’s thesis, it happened that they wouldn’t let me. They would tell me this is not a good topic and it is not applicable in Iran. So, I went to the office one day and told them that I will either resign and go or I have to defend this thesis. I have studied this major to defend this thesis. And one of my teachers with whom I was talking, one of my teachers said Ok I accept it, I will be your professor, you write about this thesis but I cannot provide any help to you. So I appreciated that decision and accepted it and wrote my thesis. Then, as I said, my PhD grade became very good, it was under 10 and it was 6 but I was not invited for the interview and after that I saw that, for example, well, [inaudible] is very small and you can get to know about your surroundings and after that I saw that someone who had got 12 was accepted for the PhD university and I who had got 6 was not even invited for the interview. And for example, they even told us that they are not accepting any students this year in this major and they were trying to collect and close that major. Then I saw that this major has been indeed collected and closed in Iran, it has changed to something silly. And then, they even said that they are not going to accept any student for this year and there will be no Kankor this year but then I found that they have accepted PhD students in that same year. But they claimed that those students belonged to the previous years. Then I came to the conclusion that it is not possible to get my PhD here.

Then I told myself to forget about it. I will go and implement my projects in the cultural heritage section. Then I will come and get my PhD in literature because I didn’t want to come at all. I will go and get a PhD in literature, I will do something for myself at least. And with the help of my teacher who is my PhD professor here, I got to know him when I was going to Qom university in the workshop. And with the help of two of my professors who were really good in this regard, who for example, did these things secretly. Two good educational projects, when I say educational, it is not to show off. I was the subordinate member. I was doing the executive tasks and they were doing it. I wrote two good projects but from any aspect that I saw, like the cultural heritage of Iran, Tehran and my own province, they were making fun of me. And in reality, they were sending me out of their business. Then this teacher of mine asked me to come to Germany but I said no I am not coming and stuff like that and I want to be in my own land and my major is in a way that I need to be in connection with people and if I come there, it is like I am dead. And the [inaudible] tricked me and used me instrumentally for advertisement purposes. He came and said that I will … you need to do something for your project to be something in the areas of improvement and things like that, and he said that he will support me.

It was close to election time. In our province as well, there are a lot of things that are tribal, very tribal and very influential. It means each province’s beliefs are different. It can be even said that it is controlled by feudalism and we are just under the rule of Islamic government but actually, everything has … ahh … its own rules and regulations. This person, he could help me if he wanted to. And I was just waiting for a hope light to not immigrate. Then I said OK. Then I went and studied about it and that time, city branding was newly becoming a style. I went and defined the project in a way to be able to include it in the city branding. He showed off with me in all his election meetings, at the university and student meetings. In order for him to reach a higher position, he made me an elite to tell everyone that she is an elite and to not make me immigrate. These things have their own rules in our city and province. These things were very effective.

He showed off with me very much and I faced a closed door again. I am only telling you the summary of what has happened and the things that I am saying belong to two and half years ago. I was always following up with these things for two and half years and I was trying not to go, I was trying not to go but to stay. In the end, I even got admission and acceptance from a university without telling anyone. I went and told this person about it. It was in the middle of our work that I felt he didn’t want to, that he was lying. I didn’t share it with my parents because they would definitely have told me to go. I went to this person and took some time from his secretary and told him that look, I have this now. If you don’t want to help me, do not let me come to work, tell me to go. He said No, this should be done. Then he said all these mottos that I also get fouled with. He would say we want to develop our city, and this and that and I was fouled again. Then I went and withdrew without telling anyone. Then, … he was paying less and less attention to me and less and less. And the day came that neither himself nor his secretary answered my phone calls and my emails.

Then I came and … when I was doing the designing and my German professor was helping me, he knew everything about my work. Then once before, I was telling him that such a story exists about Alexander the Great in my province that is different in my province from the stories that other people know in Iran. I told him this story. Then I told him that this is also a project that I am going to implement when these other two projects are finished. Then he came and well, …I was talking to him about my feelings and how things have been bad and I was telling him that look these things happened and this and that, hevery much understands these things. He was saying yes it is like Greece, it is like Greece all the time. Then he told me to write that thing about Alexander as a proposal and I will take you as a PhD student and we should go, you can’t do anything here, you have no future here. And thanks to the incidents that had happened to me during these two and half years, writing a proposal was nothing to me and it only took a week to write it. I wrote the proposal and took the necessary actions. And luckily, I was in the right timing and in two months, my enrollment was done but later, my visa took one and half years. In this one and half years I knew that I am in a PhD university in Germany but my visa was not coming. And the interesting point was that during that one and half years, I was looking to get my projects and withdraw and not go. I didn’t get any project and came here. This is what happened.

Why did you think that although you had a better grade, you could not get admission? What was the reason?
I might be wrong and I am really not sure about it. But, I feel, look, they wanted to close my major many times. For example, although our major was for three years, we, the Masters’ program students, were the last group that studied for three years, while they have changed it to two years. Then look, when this major is for two years, you have to write your thesis for a half year. Besides, there is no bachelor of Ancient Dialectology in Iran. One and a half years is very less. They closed out this major. One and half years is very limited time for you to study your MA in a major where you have not studied your bachelor’s degree. For the first two years, we were just learning the main four ancient languages like first graders, we would do the syllables, we would write essays and would copy from the texts. Now think, they have changed that major to two years. Then, I feel like they are trying to have …this … on this major, have control over it. Because you can see that now they are slowly removing the research and dialect sections from the junior school books. I think that they want their own people to get admission in this major. Also, I really don’t know it might be a delusion but I clearly remember it that the ancient dialect Kankor was not supposed to be conducted but people had got admission. Then they said that these people are from the previous years. I think it is this way. Anyways, for example, grade 6 is not a grade to not be even invited for an interview.

You were trying your best to not come, why? 
Well, because I am very much attached to my soil and besides the soil, I am very much attached to my family. I say that Gatsaran city is only four hours away from Shiraz. And the people of Shiraz have at least a history of … they are part of Southern Iranian people. And, anyways, they have a tribal history and there are Qashqai people there. But I was feeling that I have been separated from my own life, from the place where I belonged. This is how it is in my mind. It is our village the first, which’s name is Fathe, then its Gatsaran district, then it is Kugel-ul-Rahmat province, then it is South Western Iran, then it is the whole South, then when I am out of the whole South, I feel like I have gone to Mars. Not that I hate the people there, I feel like I am distanced from the place where I belong and from the people who understand me. Well, it is like this. For example, if you believe in such things and think this way, for example, here or in Tehran, or when I was in Qom or Tabriz, I was better understood by people in Shiraz. For example, I get mad over things that are funny for people while that thing is bothering me for two days.

For example, what? 
For example, one of the things that still makes me mad is, when I was in Tabriz, I had a roommate whose house was one hour far from Tabriz and she would go to her home every weekend. Then her Mom would send a lot of food for me. And this girl was a vegan herself and her Mom would cook Ghormeh-Sabzi and would give it to her to bring that to me, with a lot of meat. I am very gutty (eating a lot) and I value food and meat a lot. So I loved that and when I was going home, I would tell them that Nazila’s Mom is very kind and she does this and that. Well, she would do a really great job because her own child was a vegan but she would send me meat dishes. Then my mother told me to come, this is a habit among all the southern people, it is common in other places too but I don’t know why Tabriz people do that. Then my mother said Ok, come and take this Aash (a type of food). In our city, since we have access to the port, we have very good types of tea. My Mom bought a lot of tea and Nescafe and told me to give them to my friend and the next time that she would go to her home, she can give it to her mother. So I did the same but her mother got mad at that. Her mother got really mad. Then I, for example, couldn’t understand this and still, this incident belonged to 7 years ago. I still say that I didn’t curse you but I had brought you some gifts. You know, these types of differences. For example, I don’t know, for example, in our tribe, women are very free. For example, I had this problem in other parts of Iran and I still have it here with the Iranians and the Afghans here. And according to the behaviors that we have in our tribe, women are free. For example, Hijab is only a voile (soft silk cloth) and in reality, there is nothing covering your hair. But if you put that on your head, it means you have the Hijab. We are close to the boys in our relatives and we shake hands and we are very comfortable. I, the way I have been raised, I am saying it again, when I was behaving with people outside Gatsaran, I have faced a lot of problems several times. For example, someone has even thought that I am in love with him. For example, someone has thought that I am trying to pass time with him. The only time that I felt I would like it if the opposite gender paid attention to me, I became friends with Fariborz who is my husband now. We were friends for eleven years and got married after that. And my style is like, God is one and Love is one. And I have never seen any other guy as a male except for Fariborz. This is really how I am. Then, it has never been this way for example, when I meet a boy, I should do trickery with him or even like him. But these things happened to me. It was because the way we were behaving in our tribe or in our family, I used to behave with others the same way and they would think the other way around. I have never had this problem in my own region. This was one of the things. When such an incident happens to me, I very much feel I am alone. That is why when I say, when I come out of my own region, it seems like I have gone to Mars. Now, I don’t remember more examples but these things happen a lot. That is why some of the incidents that I experience here in Germany, I have even experienced in Iran, out of Southern areas. For example, being frank. Akh! Akh! Look, I am very frank and uncomplimentary. Now I think that people have learned a little bit from Instagram to be frank and uncomplimentary. When I was a freshman student during my Masters’ and I was very frank, some people would think that I am rude. I am not really rude but I am frank. But they would count it as being rude and being aggressive. For example, if you do something that makes me nuts, I will tell you not to do that anymore. Then people would say that I am aggressive. My friends say that I am aggressive. I tell them that I am not aggressive but I am amongst the most good-tempered people in my tribe. If you are telling me that I am aggressive, then what would you call them if you saw those people. I felt like I was on Mars. That is why, some of the feelings that I have here in Germany have no difference for me.

Now here, where do you mostly feel you are on Mars?
Here, generally, when I leave this home, I feel like I am on Mars.

Why?
Because, in Iran, when we go to Shiraz, the people are southern. Even when we go to Isfahan, half of the people in Isfahan are southern people. Totally, they are spread throughout the whole Iran. Then, whatever you do, as many times as I talk about my tribe and things like that, the people are at least speaking Farsi. Whatever I do here I feel like I am on Mars unless I have a Lur friend—and when I am involved with Afghan people. My best-friends circle here are Afghans. Unless I am with them, because their behavior is very similar to people of my tribe,  I feel like I am on Mars. At university, we go to café-shops with these European classmates. Then, now, how much is the price of a cup of coffee? I get very mad when everyone goes and pays for their own coffee. Then, it really drives me crazy. You it is not that much. I agree to pay for every food that we eat when I go out with people and don’t let anyone search their pocket because I don’t feel good that way. Or maybe I would say, not even maybe it is me being illogical, but that is how I am. I hate it.

Then the days that you do not feel attached, what do you do?
I cry and I listen to Lur songs and cry again. Yeah I cry. I find my Afghan friends and talk to them. I do these things but I mostly cry. 

So how have you kept attached here? What has linked you here?
Look, well, improvement. Look, for example, in my own country, if I tell you my memories of the time when I was going to Ancient Heritage and how different people were behaving with me, I cannot believe and you might think I am lying. But well, here, frankly speaking, I don’t do half of the hard work that I had in Iran. Because here, for example, most of the time this feeling of loneliness brings me down, makes me nuts. It decreases my output. But now that Farivorz has come here, I have gotten much better. The time when he was not with me, I was totally ruined. I put less effort than I did in Iran but I make twice as much progress as I did in Iran.

Now look nothing has happened yet, I am still in my second year of my PhD but I am a lecturer. Once upon a time, my dream was, … I was watching the photos of FOE  university on the internet and my dream was … for only one week, … there is this skull shaped library, … my dream was to go there for one week just to look at those books, not even touch them. Then I would tell myself, Yasaman, you cannot even get out of Gatsaran, how do you want to enter that faculty, let it go. I was pretty sure that they would not even let me enter the door of this faculty. But now, I am a lecturer at this faculty. When I tell my Iranian friends that I am a lecturer there, they say are you a TA? Then I tell them no, not TA. Now I have a contract as a lecturer with the university of FO and I am the person who was going to the Ancient Heritage of our own province, and our own people and province that I love very much, they would do this to me, now you will be rolling out of laughter, Get out! Get Out! (laughter) Then look, the level of humiliation in Lur’s language is high. The level of humiliation in Lur’s language is very high and even if I tell you in Farsi to get lost, you will do nothing but to go out. But if someone tells you to get lost in Lur language, you will get lost for three days. Maybe it is like this only for me because I am Lur. But I would go to our province’s Ancient Heritage, they would humiliate me this way. But now here, I don’t put the half of my effort that I would do in Iran. When I say I am not trying even half of what I did in Iran, …the first year that my scholarship was cut, I had to do … this … I had to work. I had no time to study, my work was with the computer and I was not present mentally. I am a lecturer now and next semester, I am supposed to get promoted. And to show off (laughter). Then, when one sees all of these improvements, well, they are forced to. I don’t know, I would hang pompon on the walls, I will make the house like Iran, I will do something. And for night parties, I have got two clothes and I have two photographer friends and wherever in Berlin they go, they borrow those clothes from me. I will do such things and I will try to tolerate them. Because this improvement is worth it.

What makes you happy in your daily life?
Ahmmm, here? Look, generally, I am a person who has two moods. I am either very happy or I am crying. (laughter) when loneliness and things like that puts me under pressure, and when I miss my parents, I will drop my droplets for some ten to twenty minutes then I will forget it and start laughing. I don’t need anything special to become happy. Once I am done crying, I will become happy after that. Because generally, I was the same from my childhood. It was like chocolate melting in my heart due to a huge happiness. If I am really in a bad condition, for example, (laughing) since I am gutty, dishes that have meat make me very happy. For example, if you remember once, Farivorz had faced a problem coming here, I was crying so hard and came home, Nima was also at our home, and these two went to cook Ghormeh-Sabzi to make me happy. And the interesting point is that when they cooked Ghormeh-Sabzi, I forgot everything. Then I told them that I will go and buy wine for them. I went and bought wine and (laughing) yes, I get happy so easily. This is how it is.

When you were in Iran and didn’t want to immigrate, what was your dream that time?
That time my dream was to be able to implement my Lur language projects and be able to … since my Master’s thesis is registered in Lur language, then, what I want to do in the future, my PhD thesis will be registered in Lur language again. The thing that I wanted to do after that was to generally do something for Lur language, to register it more and get more projects. Well, when I was in Iran, I wished to do the same but it is going to happen here.

Has your dream changed now?
No they are the same. For example, I become saucier. They are the same but I am expanding them. For example, I say I may build a company later. Even once, well, when I am daydreaming, my teacher is appreciating very much and giving me wings. I don’t know whether he is giving me hope or if it is really feasible. For example, I know that there is Kurd language studies, and Baluchi studies were supposed to be created. I don’t know if it has been created or not. So I say why shouldn’t I create a Lur studies course. For example, I get saucier and say, I am expanding the dreams that I had. But generally, it has not been more than this yet.

It means you actually see yourself as a Lur? Besides, do you see yourself as an Iranian?
Yes. I see myself as a Lur first, and Iranian second. By the way, I have no separatist mindset at all. I believe that Lurs have always been the soldiers of the country and they are always in the service or their country, any government it is. I am not a separatist at all but in my opinion, I am a Lur first. As I told you when I get out of areas where there are Lur people, I feel like I am on Mars. For example, the things that are there in my head, are not in other people’s minds. Most of the times when there is any disagreement, when I think about it later, when I go to sleep and think about it, I find that the opposite side was right. I tell myself that the world is different in your head and it is something else in people’s minds. It was as if he/she was right. I don’t want to say I am right all the time. But, yes, I am a Lur first.

Has Corona affected your life? How has it affected your mental health?
Yes, it has. It has very much affected my mental health, because I am very extroverted. And now I see my friends less. Especially because I have asthma and my friends are being kind to me. They would say No; we don’t come or would say Ok we don’t go to crowded areas before we come to your home. This one week ago, I played a trick on two of my friends to come to my home or take me to your home or come to my home. I told them either we come to your home or you come to our home, we will not go outside. I told them that I am about to bite my house’s walls. But they didn’t accept it. This is one of its aspects that has very much affected me. And there are some of my friends who say that they are very engaged with other people and go to risky places, they feel responsible and do not visit me very much. For example, now it is winter and we can’t go out very much. And besides, I was supposed to go to Iran every six months but it has not happened. Before Corona, my parents came here and after that Farivorz came here and later, Corona happened. Now, it has been one year since I have not been able to go to Iran. This has also affected me mentally and also, my PhD thesis has topography for which I need to be in the area. It has language registration and I have to go and interview people and those people whom I need to interview in the Koger-ul-Rahmat mountains. But I can’t go there now. It has created me with my education. And considering me being an extrovert, this issue is opposite of that issue. Now you have to be at home all the time.

Have you ever experienced racist behaviors?
Very much, very much.

A racist behavior which has been racist but not according to you. 
According to my perspective, yes very much. Racist behaviors have happened many times and it has been awful two or three times. But I don’t know, maybe those … were based on my perspective. I am mostly involved with people at university and they are better there.

But, one of the worst of them, if you would like me to tell you, has made me nuts. I used to go to work sometimes, it was my weekend and my work was in a way that it did not have weekend. And I had to attend my class the day after that. And I had studied the whole morning and now I had to go to work until 10 o’clock at night. I was very angry that it is my weekend but I have to go to work. Then a German lady came and teased me many times and at that time, I didn’t know much German language as I know now. It had only been four or five months since I had come here. Then she told me … The interesting point is that most of them are not speaking German with us but some of them are very racist and when they want to bother you and know that you don’t know their language, they don’t speak English. She said something in German to me and I understood it from her behavior that she is trying to tease me. I wanted to know if she knows English I can answer her in English. I wanted to let her know that I don’t leave you without an answer. I asked her if she was talking to me. And she said yes. I told her to speak English because I don’t know German. Now I can’t say what she says but her words were about this that you people have come to our country, you are a group of unintelligent people and you are misusing the facilities and things like that. Well, this is racism. Then I took off the badge the we need to put on when we enter the work area, showed it to her and told her that first of all, I am going to work on the weekend so I pay tax, secondly, I am a PhD student and the United Nations in paying 500 Euros per semester to the FO university. So, this university is receiving 500 Euros on behalf of me in your country, and thirdly since I am living here, I am shopping from different shops and I help your economic cycle. And since I have a student visa, I pay tax but I cannot use my citizenship facilities because the student visa has a lot of expenses . That is why, I am someone who is a gross profit to your country and next time before you want to talk, you better think about it first. This was one time.

Another time, there was a woman, … I am very afraid of dogs. But the point is here that I am not afraid of wild … village dogs, I am afraid of these domestic dogs. Because they touch our hands and feet and I really hate it. I say to behave properly. Are you a dog or do… ? So get aside. Well, I very much hate it that they are spoony. And they are behaving in a way like, … you know that I am illogical, but even if you love your dog as much as you love your child, I am able to not like your child. That is when you are supposed to take your child to not come towards me. Besides, I have an allergy to animal’s hair. With dogs and cats’ hairs. Then a woman came and sat beside me and brought her dog too. Then I always think it is my problem that I am afraid of dogs and have allergies. I stand up and leave quietly. When this lady came, I quietly left and went but as usual, she said something in German, I don’t know either it was stupid black head or stupid foreigner. I don’t remember that. Then I hated it and told her sorry I have an allergy and I am afraid of dogs. Then in English, the lady’s age was not very much, she was the same age as my mother. But her English was good. She said that it is your religion talking. Then, well, … what is the connection between these two things? I asked her what do you mean? Then she told me that you, Muslim people are this way, this animal is harmless and you are more dangerous than this animal. Then I told her to go and read about it because there are five different religions in Iran. I told her that I am Iranian and there are five different religions in Iran. Not everyone who has got black hair, is Muslim. Actually, not everyone who is coming from Iran is Muslim. So I lied and told her that I am Zoroastrian and I have a religion which’s name is Zoroastrian and dogs are holy in my religion. But I have a phobia. Then the people who were there appreciated me and clapped for me. But whatever, I got mad and got out of the train in the next station.

Another time a dog attacked me and I escaped. That silly dog was thinking that I was playing with it and he was following me. Poor dog was thinking that I was playing with it. It was running behind me but I was screaming and running away. And the owners of that dog had settled down with a lot of ego and were watching me. They wouldn’t catch the dog. Then at the end, I screamed a lot and told them that I am going to kill their damn dog. I was saying it and I was running. At the end, they came and caught the dog and apologized to their dog. And they didn’t apologize to me. Look, if they were to apologize to both me and their dog, I would still be convinced. I know that they really love their dogs but that person even did not apologize to me and only apologized to his/her dog. That way, I got very angry and hit my phone on the ground and broke it, because my mother had also come and she was with me too. My mother got very sad and told me that I cannot get used to the culture of the place where I live. It is not about adopting, I am afraid. Well, then, I got very angry and sad and broke my phone. I pressed my feet hard against the wall and broke my finger. But …

All of us who are here and do not belong to Gatsaran but we are here in Germany, and if the situation gets reversed and we come to Gatsaran and live our own lifestyle and speak our own language, what will be your feeling at that time? If the condition was vice versa?
Well, look, generally, not only me, all of the Lur people and not only the Gatsaran people, like the culture that is different from their own culture. And actually, there is something that they say that Lur people are very hospitable people. For example, if you come to Gatsaran, if you and I had to go to one office, your work would be done easily. This feeling that I talk about is my feeling and it is the feeling of most of the Lur people. But there is a condition for that and that is if the number of Lur people were less in their surroundings. That is when they feel like this. Or else, Lurs are very hospitable people, very much. It means, it is not like you come there and live your own lifestyle and face a problem. By the way, with the knowledge that I have and what I see, the lifestyle that we have is not very different from the lifestyle that you have. Because you know if any problem happens to someone in Iran, like religious problems and problems between two opposite gender, these things are not a big deal, especially in Gatsaran. And this, for example, I had a lot of problems in Qom.

The problems that I had in Qom, no one will ever have at Gatsaran. In Gatsaran, although there are lots of problems in Iran, you can be gay in Gatsaran. We have among our relatives. There is a girl, … well, look, no one says they are partners but it has been years that they are … Everyone knows they are partners but no one says that orally. For example, if I hold a birthday party and invite that girl, I also invite her partner. It is like if I invite my friend, I will also invite her husband. It is not only me who is at this age, it means, even older people in the family have accepted these two individuals. But no one talks about it orally that who they are. But everyone knows it. it means you will not face any problem in any area, especially in Gatsaran. Nothing happens. The people themselves, when they go out of their region, you know, I think for us Lurs, those who are like me, for example, my sister is not like me. She is not like me at all. Those who are like me, we are mostly attached to the soil. It is not like for example; we cannot cope with other cultures rather than our own. We are very attached to the soil. Most of the tribal quarrels or criminal quarrels, in the court or even between people of two tribes, are about the land. For example, my own father had a file in the court for seven to eight years that finally he spent twice that land’s price, I can even say more than that, and got the land back from someone who was trying to get it from him. He was taking the land from him and my father took it back. It means, he spent twice the price of the land because he was saying that he cannot let anyone take his land from him. It is not possible. This is related to those old beliefs and the mindsets that we have towards land and nature. I think this is the problem. It means, my problem is that I am not in Gatsaran now, the problem is not that Germans are bad. Although Germans have been unkind, that is not the problem. My problem is that I am not in my own land. 

To those Europeans who have a cliché perspective, for example those three people that you brought as an example, one thing that you would tell them to leave that cliché overview, what would that be? 
In such a condition, I will always tell them to read, you fool. You, stupid person, go read and try to know other people too. I was working in a company, German AIESEC, which is volunteer work for the benefit of humanity. And since I saw some things in them, I couldn’t cope with them so I came out of that team. For example, they once told me to cook Iranian food and I told them that I don’t know. Let my husband come, I will invite you and he will cook. And they were like, Ehhhh!!! Your husband cooks? You don’t know how to cook? And I said yes and they asked if the Iranian men cook? Then I was very … I told them, look, let alone my husband who is young, my father does both cooking and washing the dishes and he also sweeps the house. Now that my husband is young, he cooks and has even accepted not letting me cook. Now for example, my father helps my mother once in ten days, but that poor guy cleans the houses, cooks, and sweeps the house and this is while I also shout at him. Then there, I was talking about these things too much. I would tell them to go and read. Read about different people to know them better. When you don’t know about different people, you cannot understand their sorrows, you can’t understand what they have in their minds, and you cannot understand them. Moreover, the problem is not some four of these actions, I think that if people were able to understand each other, the crowd would even get destroyed. But well, I always say this sentence and I say, stupid, go and read, stupid; go and know people. They are very, … people in Europe are even very stupid. Because (laughter) look, they don’t even know the world’s map correctly. They don’t know. They don’t even know that for example, Iranians are different from Arabs. Arabs themselves are different from each other. And then, Iranians are different from Afghans. They know nothing. They only see the color of our hair and they think you are Arab and they Immediately think you are Muslim; they immediately think you are Arab and then they judge you. For example, that lady who told me, “It is your religion talking,” because she had thought that I am Muslim. It was while she didn’t even know a religion by the name of Zoroastrian exists. Then again my old sentence, “Go and read, you stupid.” (laughter) I know it is not a nice sentence and …

I think I am done with my questions, if there is anything you want to share. 
This is what I have not talked about, … again in … the problem that I have here I don’t have in Denmark because I mostly go to Denmark because of my aunts. I have only seen this in Germany. Look, for example, you go to a shop, then, they are very kind, why do I say “Go and read you stupid, Go and read you stupid and know the people”, for example, I had gone to a shop and there was a very kind lady that I didn’t want to get sad because of her. But I got sad because of these things that exist in the world. I wanted to bring out one of these shopping baskets and go shopping, but this coin was not working and the basket was not coming out. Then this lady came to teach me how to, you know she thought I didn’t know how to pull the basket from its place. Well, this is not a computer system. Just because the color of my hair was black, you thought that I am a miserable poor person who has escaped a thousand miseries of her own country and has immigrated to your country and now you have become a superman to teach me how to … well.

Not everyone who has immigrated is miserable. I had the best life in Iran. I had two houses in Iran. Here, I couldn’t do my studies for six months just to find a house. In the end, I couldn’t get a house because I was a student and had a part time job. No one was renting me a house. They were not giving me even a dormitory because they were asking me to stay in the line. Then I was obliged to rent an expensive house as a sublet. Later, when my husband found a job, he went and rented a house. I had two houses in my own country. I have left those conditions and came here just to continue my education. I have not escaped my miseries. In my own country, one of my arguments with my father was that he was telling me that he would buy me a car and I had to get a license, but I was telling him that I don’t want a car. It means, I mean that now here, for example, I don’t even think I will be able to get a license this soon. It means, I hate it very much that people think, now that I have come to Germany, it means that I have escaped a misery in my own country and have come here. Not everyone is this way. Well look, there are people who want to live in different country every couple of years. This is not like everyone would like to immigrate and escape their miseries. I hate this perception very much.

I most of the times don’t see myself as an immigrant. I have come here to study. Or maybe I can even say that I am not on an immigration. It means that when I came here, as I said before, I pay half of the effort that I put in my own country but gain twice its result. Now, I have been appreciated that it is not bad.

But I have not escaped my miseries. This perception drives me nuts. Very much. Sometimes, one small behavior like the one that that kind lady had. Although that was pure kindness, I was angry for a whole week. One more thing that happened to me once, that one is really made me crazy. When an immigrant has such a behavior with another immigrant, this is very silly. I had fallen down and had hurt my hand, then I went to the hospital. Well, I don’t know German language. Farivorz was on his work and I decided to go by my own and said there are all the doctors and nurses there and I can do something in English. Look, I went there and an Indian lady came to me and started speaking German. I told her to please speak English. That time, I was understanding a little bit but not too much. I told her to please speak English. She said I can’t, it is Germany here and we need to speak German. Then I told her that you are not German. Then she said that she knows nothing in English. Then she gave me a form and I had a lot of pain.

I think everyone is the same but when I am sick or have pain, I very much feel alone. Because I am like, Lur people are in a way that their social connection is very strong. If you face a small problem, every single person of the tribe comes and surrounds you. I very much feel helpless and alone when I am sick, although my sister is here, my husband is here and I have got a lot of friends now.

Then, although I was in a lot of pain, this lady came and gave me the form and with lots of anger, she ordered me to fill it. Then I started, even having pain in my right hand, using google translate and filling my information while also crying. This woman was originally Indian. Then a German lady came and helped me fill the form. Then she came to take the form and saw that I had written my occupation as a student. Then she asked what do you study and which university? I told her I study at FO and she asked what do you study? I said I am doing my PhD. It was then that she started speaking English and said, what kind of PhD student are you who … because I had written that this incident had happened at the university and I had fallen down the stairs in the university. Then she said what kind of student are you who cannot speak German? Then I totally became angry and told her Ehhhhhh!!! A magic happened, a magic happened and everyone looked strangely. There were three to four people. I was really trying to ruin her reputation. I first made a lot of fuss and everyone looked at me and she said what’s that and I told her that you spoke English out of the blue. Then that lady who helped me fill the form laughed and said, “Good job you nailed it.” Then I said I am telling the truth. In my religion Islam, one of our prophets was illiterate and he has suddenly started reading and writing. Now this has happened to her and she is speaking English all at once. But she had told me that she cannot speak English. I told her that you told me that you do not speak English. Then she said no, no I didn’t say I don’t know. I told her, are you even Indian because I don’t believe an Indian cannot speak English because actually your language has changed to English in your country. But I think you were rude but it is OK. But the lady who filled the form for me was German. She does not have a problem but you have a problem. Or you are a nurse and doctors and nurses’ job is to be kind. A person who comes here is already in pain and she was trying to tell me, “No, you got me wrong,” and started talking nonsense and justifying herself. Then I told her, “Excuse me I am not listening because my hand is hurting very much.” She was rude and ill-mannered. But after this incident, I can say that I was angry for one month and would tell this story to anyone I would see. I said that I am very extroverted and I would tell this story with anger to anyone I would see. I was telling them that if an immigrant is having such behavior with another immigrant, that is very ugly and violent. It was this. (laughter)

You were all angry (laughter).
Yes. I am saying that my reaction was all with anger.

That is your strength (laughter). 
Yes, I am … Look, as I told you, I forced my teachers to accept my Master’s thesis. And generally, in Iran I was … I am working hard here too but in Iran I was very much … Look, when I was doing my Masters’ degree and I knew that I wanted to study Ancient dialect and I would go to Ancient dialect classes and would sit in their class. And I had hired a tutor and I already had learned Pahlavi and Ancient Farsi. Then in the first session of the class, our teacher who was our team leader came and asked us to read the texts. The students started reading with difficulties, well, I had hired a tutor and I knew the lesson. So I started reading the texts fast. Then he thought that I had memorized them. He said, it is very bad that you are cheating. It was not for everyone, he directly told me that. And since I am an improvised and frank person, I told him that I haven’t done what you think but I have already studied it. then he said do not lie. And I said, … it was the second half of the class, I said excuse me, everyone told me to not go to Tabriz university but I didn’t listen. I am not saying the name. But I came to Tabriz University because of you Dr. X, I am not saying his name, but I regret it now. Then he was very rude and since I told him this in front of the whole class, he totally started be-shivering with me [trying to intimidate] and because of my final thesis, when I forcefully chose this title to write about, he told me that he was very happy because he was sure I cannot write this thesis and said that he was happy that a rude and aggressive person like me is not able to write her thesis. Look, because of his [attempted intimidation], I wrote a thesis that I can even defend my PhD with. Then, my thesis became 500 pages and my teacher told me to make it less so I changed it to 280 pages and he said to make it less again and it is either 100 or 230 pages now. It was just because of his be-shivering and my aggressiveness. It means I use my anger and thrumble [pushiness; determination] in positive ways too. I mean, really in most of the conditions, … and besides, I intentionally wanted to finish one semester earlier. So my monograph was ready one semester earlier and he was forced to respectfully beg me to not defend. Because if I was to defend, it would be a problem for other students because we were the last cohort who wanted to study for three years. They wanted to change the three years’ period into two years and there were some problems. It would be a problem for other students. Then this professor was forced to ask me not to defend my thesis and I enjoyed it very much. And for me to reach here and finish my studies one semester earlier, I was really sleeping three hours a night. For one to two months, I really only slept for two to three hours. I had to transliterate and it would take a lot of time and it was all because of my anger and perseverance that he had said such a thing to me. The end! (laugher)