Saeed Almeri

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Turkey

Syria

Syrian

Omar Alkilani

“Before I understood refuge, my dreams were very simple,” says Saeed Almeri, 19. “I wanted to grow up, enter university, graduate, get married, and have a family.” Saeed, born in Syria, was raised in Saudi Arabia. There, he recalls that he faced “a lot of racism.” In 2020, he and his family came to Turkey as refugees. At first, not speaking the language made things difficult; “I feel that I won’t reach what I want, and I feel like a foreigner or a stranger,” he recollects. But Saeed, now studying, has come to feel that “Turkey is a very nice country,” and notes that “one of the beautiful things is that life has become vibrant here. Life was beautiful in the country I used to live in, but the government made it difficult.” He draws strength from his family, and is particularly close with his mother. Now his dream has nothing to do with his studies: “I don’t even care If I don’t have a degree. My dream is to see my mother proud of me and to pursue a somewhat successful artistic career.”

full interview

Hello, Saeed. I have a project called “A Thousand Dreams.” The idea behind this project is for one refugee to interview another. You have the right not to mention your name, even though I mentioned it at the beginning. This recording will not be published; everything you say will be turned into text, and we will publish the text. We may mention your name or not. If there’s anything you don’t want to say, you can tell us, and you can choose not to talk about it. We also want to take a photo of you, selecting only one image, and it’s possible that we may obscure your face in some way. It’s important that you feel comfortable with your answers. The goal is to convey the emotions you experienced as a refugee. This is done only after you agree to be completely comfortable. The most important thing is that you feel comfortable. If you feel there’s a private question, you can skip it. Let’s talk about your current life. If you had to describe yourself in one word, what would you say?
Saeed, a person whose environment has changed, is trying to adapt to the current environment with things he didn’t like initially, but was forced into, and now he loves them, whether they are religious or non-religious, life-related or unrelated.
 
What did this change do to you?
It changed a lot of my personality because I experienced an entire civilization change. I was in one place and came to another, so my way of speaking, appearance, clothing, and even my hair changed. 
 
What feelings did you have when this change occurred?
It was a strange and unfamiliar feeling because I wasn’t used to the things that happened. However, I adapted to them, and it became a feeling that wasn’t very pleasant, but I lived with it and came to love it. 
 
Did you feel a moment of change? 
Yes, it was a strange moment of change. 
 
Can we write the name Saeed? 
My name is Saeed Mura’i. 
 
In which year did you come to Turkey? 
I came in March 2020, so it’s been almost three years. 
 
Three years? Do you live in a house? Who do you live with? What is the house’s layout, I mean, how many rooms are there in the house?
Our house is big, with approximately 5 rooms, a living room, and a corridor. 
 
Who do you live with? 
Alone with my mother. 
 
Just the two of you? 
Yes, just the two of us. 
 
Are there any problems at home? Turkish neighbors? Do you live in a distant or nearby area? 
I don’t know if the area is distant or nearby, but when we arrived, we chose that area because our relatives are here, like my sister and aunt. As for neighbors, I am a guitar player, and sometimes I play at midnight around 12 or 1. We haven’t faced any issues. We live on the first floor, and the landlord lives above us. He is a respectable person. Honestly, I don’t know if he’s respectful or not because I don’t see him much, and I spend a lot of time outside the house.
 
How do you spend your time in Turkey? Do you work?
Currently, I’m not working. I’m more focused on studying. I’m currently in the baccalaureate, so this year is a bit challenging. I spend my time studying, and in my free time, I play video games and play the guitar.
 
You’re mainly studying and the rest of the time you have fun. You’re originally from Syria, from Homs and you were born there. What things make you happy? 
Yes, a lot. I have an emotional side towards my mother because she supported me a lot in many aspects, whether it was something wrong I did, and she stood by my side, or something right she encouraged me in. What makes me happy is to see her proud of me in this strange country. 
 
Do you consider her one of your strengths?
Yes. 
 
Beautiful relationship. Tell us something about your mother if you don’t consider the question too personal. 
My mom likes me to call her “jojo” and not “Mama.” From this point, you can tell that our relationship is one of companionship and kindness, not a strict parent-child relationship. On the contrary, my relationship with my mom is strong, but it strengthened after my father, may he rest in peace, passed away. My father passed away in 2021 on the 5th day of October. It’s been around a year and a bit, or two, I’m not sure, I haven’t counted. After my father’s passing, my relationship with my mom increased because at home, we were three siblings; me and two sisters, and I don’t have any brothers. My sisters got married, and it remained only me and my mom in the house.
 
Are you the youngest one in the family?
Yes, I’m the youngest one. 
 
Do you draw positive energy from your mother?
Yes, very much.
 
That’s very nice. Is there something you’re wearing now that indicates your mother gave it to you or it reflects her? 
Yes, this headband.
 
How have you seen life in Turkey in the place where you live in Istanbul, from the time you arrived until now? What are the things that were beautiful, and what were the difficult aspects?
Honestly, Turkey is a very nice country, whether it’s the society, the places, the scenery, or the atmosphere – everything is beautiful. The difficult things were, first, when I arrived here, first the language, not being able to speak in governmental offices or places, feeling unable to help myself. 
 
How do you feel when you don’t know the language? [00:07:25][0.3]
Speaker 2: [00:07:29] I feel like I’m deaf and mute, I feel suffocated, and I feel unable to do anything. I tried to speak with them in English, but I noticed that the Turks don’t like the English language. 
 
How do you feel inside if you live in a country and don’t know their language but you want something from them?
I feel that I won’t reach what I want, and I feel like a foreigner or a stranger. 
 
Do you feel like you’re a stranger and distant from them, and you feel that you don’t belong to this thing? 
Yes, I feel a lack of belonging. 
 
Do you feel belonging or not belonging?
When I don’t speak their language?
 
Forget the language, now in Turkey, do you feel a sense of belonging?
Currently, yes, I can’t say completely, around 30 or 40%.
 
when you first came here, when your Turkish language was weak, did you not feel a sense of belonging? 
Yes, my sense of belonging was zero. 
 
Has there been any progress on this matter?
Yes.
 
What difficulties did you face other than the language?
The difficulties I faced other than the language, for example, when I came here, I went straight to school. When I started, not knowing the language, it was the first time going to this place, not knowing the country’s rules, laws, and what I should or shouldn’t do. I felt some strange looks at the beginning; the looks were saying, “You are a stranger.” 
 
What kind of looks? 
Looks from students and teachers, indicating that I’m not from here, and this is not my place. 
 
Looks that suggest non-acceptance?
Yes, i felt not accepted.
 
Try to describe the feeling. 
Imagine yourself as a guy, alone in a girls’ school. Imagine their looks. 
 
I understand. 
I feel like I’m in a place where I shouldn’t be. 
 
What are the beautiful things about coming here?
One of the beautiful things is that life has become vibrant here. Life was beautiful in the country I used to live in, but the government made it difficult. We tried to find a country where we could live safely as a family, with normal people, working and studying.
 
The government made life difficult for you? And did you leave because of the government? Did you seek refuge because of the government?
Yes.
 
I’m sorry for the interruption. What has been your feeling from the time you arrived here until now? What is something you’ve become aware of?
The feeling since I came to Turkey was one of hesitant freedom—meaning freedom, but not complete. There are things and commitments to us, but ultimately it’s called freedom. You are free and can do anything, but there are a few fears related to the identity issue. 
 
You moved from one place to another, but it wasn’t as you expected?
Exactly.
 
Another question, how do you feel being away from your homeland?
To be honest, there’s a somewhat bad feeling because who doesn’t long for his homeland? However, upon reconsideration, you feel that your homeland has become an entirely uninhabitable place because there is nothing left in it. 
 
What made you feel that your homeland is uninhabitable?
It made me feel displaced, and as we say in Syrian slang “Shantata”.
 
How do you live with the idea of not belonging to a homeland? We mentioned at the beginning of the interview that you gradually belong to the country you are currently in, which is Turkey. However, there was a period when you didn’t feel like you belonged, and currently, you don’t feel entirely belong, as I understood. What is your feeling when you don’t belong? 
It’s a wrong feeling, and you feel that there is something awkward in your life that doesn’t allow you to lead your life correctly. But I try to overcome these mistakes by finding and getting to know friends from my own country. Even at school, I have many friends from my own country, and there are also Turkish friends who make me feel welcome here. However, I know that whatever happens to me in this country doesn’t matter to them.
 
Do you feel lonely? 
Currently, no. I used to feel lonely.
 
You used to feel lonely, but now that feeling is gone? 
Exactly.
 
So, you are evolving now? 
Yes.
 
What is the reason for this development? I mean, what are your strengths?
Strengths for me are that I am a sociable person. People always say that I am a sociable person, so from the first or second meeting, you could become my friend, and we could go out and hang out together because I am a very social person. This is my strongest point, being a sociable person, and I love to meet many people. 
 
Did you expect to reach this stage here?
Never.
 
How do you feel as you continue in this state, the state that you are not in your homeland, and you are a refugee in another place? How do you feel living with this?
I survive because I have something. 
 
How are you surviving? 
Because I have hope. I am now in an era of waiting.
 
A very beautiful question, define hope for me? 
Hope is something you wait for. There is a difference between hope and wishing. With wishing, I wish that this thing happens because it might not happen, or I might imagine it happening. But hope, I don’t wish for the thing to happen. I know that it will happen, whether it’s good or bad. That is hope, waiting for something, but it might be bad. My life could end, or my life could improve, and I return to my country. But there is something that I am waiting for. 
 
This talk is very important; thank you for sharing it with us. Let’s take a step back. Hope is the thing that makes you continue and deal with your new life. Hope is like passion, and because of this passion, you can endure what is happening now. If you endure, if there are difficulties, you endure them, and there is a situation that you are waiting for. Can you explain this situation to me? 
The situation that I am waiting for, and I will be honest, either I belong to this country and feel 100% belonging, like my belonging to Syria, like we all feel complete belonging to our country, or I ignite hope that my country will improve, and I will return to it. These are my only two hopes; these are the main points of my triumph.
 
Facing the difficulties you are currently experiencing, are you developing your skills, or are you adapting to face these difficulties, or are these skills you have had since childhood, and because of these skills, you can deal with difficulties? When you want to answer the question, respond with the same beginning of the question. For example, when I ask you, “To face these difficulties, have you developed yourself, or do you have skills to face difficulties?” you should start your answer with, “To face difficulties and continue the answer.”
I haven’t faced difficulties, and I haven’t acquired any skills with this leap that happened to me. I have had skills since my childhood that allow me to adapt anywhere without a problem. However, these skills were not sufficient for this big leap because it was a very frightening leap in terms of civilization, language, and everything, even the simplest things like eating in restaurants. It’s true that I have skills since my childhood, but they were not enough to make my mind absorb this whole leap.
 
You mean that seeking refuge did not affect your character or your passion? I mean, seeking refuge affected these things but did not break them?
It didn’t break them, but some things died. 
 
Did seeking refuge affect your personality, your skills, and your passion? Do you agree with me? 
Yes. 
 
Let’s talk about your past a bit. Why did you leave your country? You mentioned at the beginning of the interview that it was due to the government. Can you elaborate more? 
There was a system; I won’t say it was wrong. They knew better about their country.
 
It didn’t suit you? 
Exactly, it didn’t suit us as a family. For example, we lived with my father, may he rest in peace, and we were four people in the house. However, we were not considered a family in that country, we were treated as if we were just accompanying him. This was something unbelievable.
 
You’re talking about the country you were in, not your homeland? 
That’s correct.
 
Where were you living?
I was in Saudi Arabia.
 
This is important information. You sought refuge in Saudi Arabia and then came here?
That’s correct. 
 
The first question is, why did you leave Syria, your homeland?
I can’t say a lot about Syria because when we left, I was three and a half years old. 
 
So, do you consider Saudi Arabia as your country? 
Yes, I consider Saudi Arabia my country. 
 
You were born in Syria and hold Syrian citizenship, but the feeling of seeking refuge came from Saudi Arabia? 
From Saudi Arabia to Turkey, that’s correct.
 
Do you think your family sought refuge from Syria to Saudi Arabia, regardless of whether there was a war or not?
They didn’t seek refuge in Saudi Arabia; they came to Saudi Arabia before the events in Syria began.
 
Did they come because the situation in Syria was not suitable, and they were looking for a better life? 
Yes, they were seeking a better life. Would this be considered seeking refuge? 
 
Certainly. Refuge is when you don’t agree with the circumstances you’re placed in, and things are imposed on you, so you redirect yourself to another place. That’s refuge. 
My family had a job opportunity. My father was a contractor, and he found a job opportunity in the city of Hail in Saudi Arabia because there were very large projects he could undertake. 
 
You don’t hold Saudi nationality or residency, right? Your nationality is Syrian, correct?
Yes, I only hold Syrian citizenship.
 
Moving on to the next question, was there a challenging experience in your journey?
From Saudi Arabia to here?
 
I don’t mean the literal journey; I mean your journey as a person?
Yes, there is no life without difficulties, but I overcame them. 
 
Can you explain the experience further?
Certainly. The problem is that I don’t remember many things. One of the difficulties I faced in Saudi Arabia was the strict religious adherence concerning clothing, appearance, hair, and way of speaking. When I came here, I found that no one cared about those things. I couldn’t balance myself: should I continue with the way I was in Saudi Arabia, or should I change myself to fit in with the society here? Can I be the way I want to be or not? I faced some challenges in this regard. 
 
Why didn’t you want that? 
I don’t understand your question.
 
Why didn’t you want to come here?
I wanted to come here. 
 
But you didn’t know how? 
I came here suddenly. 
 
I understand. This thing was a cause for you to experience a kind of shock. Do you remember this shock between you and yourself?
Not much, but sometimes it crosses my mind.
 
What’s the most memorable shock you can recall?
When I was younger, being Syrian had a significant impact on me. Even in Saudi Arabia, there was a lot of racism. When I was at school, whenever i would sleep, they would wake me up and say, “Wake up, Tabbouleh.” 
 
Did racism haunt you since your childhood? 
Yes, because I became more aware when i was in Saudi Arabia. 
 
You are currently 19 years old? 
Yes. I tried to adapt to things. Also, when I was in Saudi Arabia, every year I changed my school. When I change schools, it’s because I get very bored with the old school due to many things. Although I was very smart when I was younger, smarter than now, there were many things that distracted me from studying, such as the harassment I found in school. So, I changed many schools. But when I started middle school, I was very aware. I was in the seventh or eighth grade, and to avoid this harassment, I pretended to be Saudi.
 
Did you pretend to be Saudi? 
Yes, I hid my nationality, and originally, my skin color is brown.
 
How do you feel when you experience racism, what comes to your mind when racism happens to you? 
The feeling is that you can’t respond to them. We all can respond, and we all have a tongue, but you can’t because it’s their country; you’re the one who came to them.
 
But what was the feeling that you had when you were alone at home?
Honestly, I can’t express it, and there is no external speech to convey it. A very bad feeling. It’s true that I’ve overcome this feeling for a long time, so I can’t express it. I felt angry, why didn’t I act in a certain way? When I returned home and thought about the situation, I said to myself, why didn’t I hit him or why didn’t I act differently? Then I return again and say, let him do whatever he wants. 
 
You feel anger when racism happens to you. Do you generally feel lonely? 
I used to, but not anymore.
 
So when we talk about your past, your past says yes, you used to feel lonely. Do you consider that the life you’ve lived from your childhood until today affects you or your personality?
Yes, very much. Going through many experiences when I was young taught me a lot of things, such as how to speak, how to deal, or not to let anyone make fun of me. A lot of things related to my personality.
 
Could it have been possible to be stronger in these situations?
I was stronger, but I couldn’t do anything about it. I don’t like problems since I was young, so anything that happens, I learn from it, and then I move on. 
 
The way you used to pretend to be Saudi, was there a specific technique or plan? And when you pretended to be Saudi, what would happen? 
The other technique is just to cope with things; there is no other way.
 
To cope with what? 
With the harassment and racism that existed.
 
Does this bring back bad memories? 
Yes, I used to wish I would face these harassments when I was in middle school and not when I was younger in elementary school because, as you know, for a young boy, words can be more challenging. When someone says something negative to me now at the age of 19, I don’t care, but a younger person would be affected by words. For example, if you tell a little kid that their teeth aren’t beautiful, they would go to their mother and say, “Mom, are my teeth really not beautiful?” These are the things that happened to me. 
 
Is it because you’re not from the same country? 
Yes, only because my nationality is different. 
 
You previously told me that your mother is one of the reasons for your strength. 
My mother is the main point of strength in my life.
 
Where do you get support other than your mother? What are the strengths you have besides your mother? 
There are many strength points, including my family in general, my mother, and my sisters. Also, there are my friends who are positive and give me very beautiful positive energy. 
 
You mentioned that you are a social person. Do you always carry this scarf with you? 
Yes, it stays on my bag.
 
Is this scarf always with you? 
Yes, always. Wherever I go, it’s always with me. 
 
Since when has it been with you? 
For about a year now. 
 
Let’s assume you haven’t experienced any racist or war-related situations. How did you feel before realizing that you are a refugee?
I began to feel like a refugee in the eighth or ninth grade, around the age of 13 or 14, about 6 years ago. When I went to Saudi Arabia for the first time, I was young, and I didn’t know this wasn’t my country. But as I grew up and learned that there is a Saudi people and a Syrian people, and I came to understand things like countries, visas and long-distance travel, I realized that I am a refugee, but I adapted to the situation.
 
What was your ambition or dream?
Honestly, my dream changes every 5 months. I can’t tell you what the last dream I wanted was.
 
What is hope? 
I mentioned earlier, but hope as a person or as a refugee, there is a difference. Saeed as an individual, not as Saeed as a refugee or Saeed, as a Syrian person in Turkey. 
 
I want to talk about Saeed as a person?
As an individual, I wish to see my mom proud of me and to chase after my dream, which is music. I really love music, and it’s one of the reasons that gave me a lot of strength, especially after the death of my father. 
 
If you have an artistic side that pursues you in your life. 
Yes.
 
Do you believe in art? 
Very much. 
 
Do you dream of art?
Very much. 
 
Do you dream of being famous, an international artist, and conveying your personality through your art? 
Honestly, I’d prefer to be an artist more than to be famous.
 
Your goal is to work in the field of art, and your goal is to live an artist’s journey? 
Exactly.
 
It’s one of the beautiful and nice dreams, and I agree with you on that. You are a “Refugee” because since you were young, you lived a refugee life in Saudi Arabia, and then from 2020, right?
Approximately, yes.
 
You came to Turkey, where there are many Syrian refugees, and you are treated as a Syrian refugee, just like any Syrian refugee who came here, regardless of your time in Saudi Arabia. I believe you had a somewhat challenging experience. As a Syrian, I lived in Syria until the war in Syria, so I understood back then what it means to be a refugee. However, you lived the refugee life before me. You experienced the refugee life since childhood, and you faced racism from a young age. Has this thing not changed anything in your personality? I mean, if you weren’t a refugee and everything was going smoothly, what would Saeed be dreaming of now?
As a refugee, I learned something very important: not every place is my place. It means I have to consider where I am, what I should say in this place, and what I should wear in this place, no matter whether I go to a cafe, a mosque, a university, or a school. I learned that every place has its rules, and I learned to appreciate the place, no matter where it is. Unfortunately, all the years I lived, I wasn’t in my place. I mean, I was in my place only during the first three years of my life, then I left and lived in a strange place, and then I came to another strange place. So, I developed an appreciation for the place. When I go home, I feel that home is my homeland. But when I go to my friend’s house, I must respect being here and not act as I wish. So, I developed an appreciation for the place. 
 
These are the strengths you acquired. What strengths did you have that were there, but because of refuge, they disappeared?
Points of strength that were present and disappeared due to refuge, I used to trust myself more, meaning I had more self-confidence, but when I discovered that I am a refugee, about half of that confidence disappeared, around 50%. Do you know how it feels when you enter a place that is not yours? You can’t raise your head high and walk confidently. You become like everyone else, or even less than them. This feeling was very bad, even though I was very confident in myself. When a new school year started, when I was in Saudi Arabia and before becoming a refugee, I used to buy new clothes, go to the library, buy pens and notebooks, and enter with confidence and positivity. But when I realized, I became like them, I wore the traditional dress as they did so I became like them.
 
The experience we talked about from the beginning of the interview until now is a very difficult one, but let’s look at the bright side and the positive things. What positive aspects have you gained from this experience? 
This experience and transition have increased my ability to deal with people, no matter who they are, because in Saudi Arabia, I saw a lot of people from different nationalities, non-Saudis. Also, I acquired languages and gained work experience because in Saudi Arabia, when I was in ninth grade, I worked with my cousin in an advertising agency as a Photoshop designer. It wasn’t an official job because I wasn’t an employee, but I used to go in my free time, for example, during summer vacation. I would see people coming and going to the place, and I saw positive energy when they were surprised that I worked at this age. But when I came here, I found that everyone my age was working. So, I gained work experience and experience in dealing with people and languages.
 
Did you gain experiences?
Yes 
 
Before you fully understood the concept of refuge, what were your dreams? I want you to start your answer with: “Before I understood refuge, my dreams were…”
Before I understood refuge, my dreams were very simple. I wanted to grow up, enter university, graduate, get married, and have a family. After seeking refuge, I discovered that life is not just that. Life is bigger and more challenging, and there are things I must do beyond studying. 
 
Did this realization happen because of seeking refuge?
Yes, because in Saudi Arabia, it wasn’t…
 
Did your dreams change? 
Yes.
 
What was it like in Saudi Arabia?
In Saudi Arabia, if someone saw you playing an instrument, they would tell you it’s forbidden.
 
What is your dream now?
Currently, my dream is not to care about studying or anything else. I don’t even care If I don’t have a degree. My dream is to see my mother proud of me and to pursue a somewhat successful artistic career.
 
Beautiful thing is that you convey your voice through art. Thank you for answering all these questions. Do you have anything useful to add so that the challenges and experienves you gained as a refugee can reach a third party? is there anything you want to add at the end of the interview? 
What I’d like to add is very simple. I don’t want to elaborate too much. No matter how different the place or the people in the society are, nothing can kill a dream. If a person is determined and believes in their dream, they will achieve it, not only in their own country but even in another galaxy. This is what I believe. I don’t like people who say, “I’m in Turkey or in another country, and I’ll wait until I go back to my country to start working on myself.” This is wrong. Start working here if you’re here, and if you’re there, start working there. Even if you start from scratch, arriving late is better than not arriving, even if the countries are different.
 
One more quick question. What were the challenges in your life as a refugee?
As I mentioned before, as a refugee in Turkey, the difficulties I faced were language and government procedures.
 
True, but what were the feelings you experienced because of them? We mentioned that language at the beginning of the interview made you feel.. 
A lack of belonging. 
 
I want you to describe the feeling. 
I didn’t understand you. 
 
I mean the feeling resulting from these challenges, for example,language made you feel a lack of belonging, how did government procedures make you feel?
The government procedures made me wonder why I’m here. If I were in my own country, things would be easier; there would be no need for all these documents and procedures. 
 
How do you feel about it? 
I felt annoyed, wondering why this is happening.
 
What else?
The strange looks made me feel like I’m a stranger. I also felt a lack of belonging. 
 
Did you feel loneliness?
Yes, loneliness. When I saw people’s looks, I tried to distance myself from them, so I remained alone for a period. These are the challenges I can mention; these are the most notable things. 
 
Thank you very much again. I appreciate this, and now we want to take a picture.

About Refugees, By Refugees

Saeed Almeri

full interview